“Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.” Matthew 8:23-26
I remember after giving birth how my body had to change. There was no choice because the child who had taken up so much space inside of me was gone. In response everything inside of me shifted. And the outside looked different too (thankfully)!
We are at that place in adjusting to losing Becky. Our world has shifted to accommodate the void that losing Becky leaves. This has been a huge shift on some levels and a minor shift on others. Becky hasn’t lived with us for years, so our daily life hasn’t much changed. On the other hand, our emotional and thought life has seen a significant shift as we’ve more fully realized death’s impact and now more fully know what grief means. For Jacob and the girls losing Becky has meant losing a way of life. From the moment of Becky’s accident their old way of life was gone. Now the life they’ve lived for nearly six months is changing. They are leaving the home they had with Becky and moving closer come mid-July. Leaving their home in Washington is another loss for them – a fresh grief. But this move makes great sense because they are moving close to family – a family that loves them deeply and longs to be of greater support. There are quantities of faith in this move. Jacob will be searching for a job which is a difficult proposition in the best of times. He is leaving deep friendships and intense memories – loss upon loss. For us – we are purchasing a second home to use as a rental with Jacob our first renter. We’ve not done this before and we are stretching to do it. Daily life will change for all of us when Jacob and the girls arrive. I’m looking forward to being a significant part of the ‘village’ that loves on and cares for Amity and Dara. For both Jacob and us it is a time of stepping out, making decisions, waiting and trusting in God’s provision.
We can’t see the outcome of this stepping out, but we can certainly see the needs that accompany the move. We are all afraid to varying degrees and at varying times. There is risk in this venture and there is risk in choosing not to move, but rather to stay with what is known. We can’t see around the next corner, but we choose to move trusting the God who has so amply supplied faith and the fruits of faith in our lives. We choose to move trusting the God whose faithfulness is celebrated over and over in our lives and in the lives whose stories are recounted in scripture. “Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh God our Father. There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be. Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.”
“Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”