“When I felt secure, I said, “I will never be shaken.” O LORD, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed.” Psalm 30:6-7
I could never have imagined the way my life is now. This unimaginable life is mostly about the emotional terrain I travel. I’ve said before that I feel like a girl entering puberty – emotional ups and downs are a constant in a life that once enjoyed the relatively easy landscape of a post-menopausal grandma. I am constantly moving from grief to uncertainty to brief joy to longing to impatience to . . . I’m sure you get the point. I wrestle with my reactionary emotions every day striving to keep my eyes on Jesus and my inner life under his sure hand. I’m actually a bit shocked by this turn of events. I’m the one who never cried. When Steve and I watch a movie together or if we are watching sports and a touching commercial comes on, he is the one who is wiping tears from his eyes – not me. At least it was that way. Not so much now.
I’ve lived a faith life of great but naïve certainty. I was the one who was not shaken by events unfolding on the grand stage of life. But so much of what I’ve faithfully watched unfold has not been personal. Becky’s death is deeply and profoundly personal. And I’ve been shaken. Even in that shaking I have the core truth and knowing that God is unshakeable and the kingdom in which I abide is solid and firm and dependable.
When the earth moves beneath our feet the only place we can go to find stability is ‘up’– everything of this earth can shake and crumble and fall. In the midst of looking for solid footing in a post-Becky world I seek to keep my heart focused ‘up’ — on the King and His unshakeable Kingdom!
“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”” Hebrews 12:28-29