GLEANINGS from Claudia: Unshakeable

“When I felt secure, I said, “I will never be shaken.” O LORD, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed.”  Psalm 30:6-7

I could never have imagined the way my life is now.  This unimaginable life is mostly about the emotional terrain I travel.  I’ve said before that I feel like a girl entering puberty – emotional ups and downs are a constant in a life that once enjoyed the relatively easy landscape of a post-menopausal grandma.  I am constantly moving from grief to uncertainty to brief joy to longing to impatience to . . . I’m sure you get the point. I wrestle with my reactionary emotions every day striving to keep my eyes on Jesus and my inner life under his sure hand.  I’m actually a bit shocked by this turn of events.  I’m the one who never cried.  When Steve and I watch a movie together or if we are watching sports and a touching commercial comes on, he is the one who is wiping tears from his eyes – not me.  At least it was that way.  Not so much now.

I’ve lived a faith life of great but naïve certainty.  I was the one who was not shaken by events unfolding on the grand stage of life.  But so much of what I’ve faithfully watched unfold has not been personal. Becky’s death is deeply and profoundly personal.  And I’ve been shaken. Even in that shaking I have the core truth and knowing that God is unshakeable and the kingdom in which I abide is solid and firm and dependable.

When the earth moves beneath our feet the only place we can go to find stability is ‘up’– everything of this earth can shake and crumble and fall.  In the midst of looking for solid footing in a post-Becky world I seek to keep my heart focused ‘up’ — on the King and His unshakeable Kingdom!

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.””   Hebrews 12:28-29

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About Gleanings from Claudia

I am a wife, mother, grandmother,sister, and friend newly introduced to grief as I lost my 32 year old daughter in an auto accident in December 2010. I am a follower of Jesus and am journeying through grief while abiding in Christ.
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3 Responses to GLEANINGS from Claudia: Unshakeable

  1. shannon says:

    Your description of your constant emotional moving, is a perfect description of my life now. Our only son, age 43, suddenly took his life with not even a hint. I’ve seen God rescue me from a horrible childhood of abuse & replace my hatred & shame with absolute certainty of His constant & UNconditional love & purpose in my life. Now, I struggle in the hurt, longing for one more hug, conversation, & answers, to disbelief & shock, because this just can’t be real! Thank you for your gleanings. My friend Linda told me about you. It’s a long & winding road we as mother’s now must travel.

    • Shannon – I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Your message brought me to tears. It is such a hard road — how thankful I am for the Lord. Even when I find myself questioning Him and lacking in understanding I feel supported by His unflappable presence. I’m praying that same sense of His support into your life right now. I am thankful for the evidence of His faithfulness to which you testify. He has shown Himself mighty in your life before and He will do so again. Hang in there — at times it is all you can do!
      Your Sister in grief,
      Claudia

  2. Donna Anderson says:

    Claudia, Thank you for such an open and honest grieving. God has gifted you with these ups and downs and tears and sorrow. Does that sound harsh? The fact that you are “forced” to express your emotions is indeed a blessing. You are, sometimes against your will, alive! You are able to let people know you, in a way that was likely not possible without this personal grief. Your dear Becky gone. Your anguish and your faith in the midst of it are from God too. You, His child, His pre-teen, His grieving mother are in His hands. Praying for you with love, Donna

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