GLEANINGS from Claudia: Decisions

“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”  Luke 12:48

Becky’s life ended suddenly.  She didn’t have time to set her house in order or to say good-bye or to make sure that those closest to her clearly heard her last words of love. Becky and Jake lived their lives deliberately – together processing decisions that impacted their family. Until the last year of Becky’s life, Becky and Jacob very intentionally worked out their lives so that one of them was always with their girls.  They didn’t hire babysitters even when both were working.  Instead they scheduled their jobs so that they were the primary caretakers for Amity and Dara.  Only in the last year did that value shift as Becky began clinical rotations in the final months of Pharmacy school.  There was simply no way for Becky or Jacob to always be with the girls. At times Becky agonized over missing her girls – hanging on to the knowledge that in a year she would graduate and the nearly 24/7 intensity of classes and studying would likely diminish into the routine of a full time job.  I say ‘likely’ because Becky was also considering one more year of study and had applied for a residency in one of the Spokane hospitals.  If she was accepted into that residency it would mean one more year of long hours and immersion in study, but the in-patient hospital setting would also allow Becky to more fully utilize her God given intellect, compassion, and gifts.

Becky’s life was rich and full.  She was given much – incredible intelligence, a deep well of love, a wonderful husband and family, and more energy than I can fathom.  She loved the Lord and together Becky and Jacob thought through decisions within a framework of family and stewardship.  I find myself wondering if any of those decisions would have changed if the variable of Becky’s sudden death could have been added into the decision matrix.  It is a nonsense question since there is no way to go back.  And it is nonsense because I know Becky and Jacob made their decisions based upon their lives of following Jesus.  But it does make me pause as I consider my own decisions.  I have also been given much – in fact I’ve been given the kingdom!  Even without the specter of an untimely death my life will be short – every life is short.  I want to live out the hours of each day that I’m given in a way that regards the incredible gift of life in Jesus.  Life, family, intellect, heart, the very hours of each day, influence, love, joy, grief – all of it a gift from the hand of the Father into my life.  Lord – your blessings are rich and sweet and form the substance of my life.  Help me to live aware of the flow of blessing into my life.  Make me an unblocked branch through whom this blessing life flows to others.  Guide your life through me at every decision point – even those daily decisions that are so natural that I’m unaware of deciding. Glorify yourself in and through me.

“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” Luke 12:32

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  John 15:5

Advertisements

About Gleanings from Claudia

I am a wife, mother, grandmother,sister, and friend newly introduced to grief as I lost my 32 year old daughter in an auto accident in December 2010. I am a follower of Jesus and am journeying through grief while abiding in Christ.
This entry was posted in Grief and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to GLEANINGS from Claudia: Decisions

  1. Donna Anderson says:

    Claudia, John 15:5 – …apart from Him we can do nothing. Amen

  2. Kristin says:

    I think of these kinds of “what if” questions a lot. But you are right, it is nonsense. Even knowing what was going to happen, I don’t think she would have made different decisions. Her life was wonderful! And she was so happy!

    So, I think about that a lot. We make the decisions we make, who knows what will come of those decisions? Tomorrow has enough worry of its own.

    • I agree Kristin. My hope and desire is that I’m so closely attached to Jesus that even the mindless decisions I make are filled with his life and bring him glory. I know that isn’t always true, but that is my desire. I also agree with your thoughts on Becky! Love you!

  3. Carol S says:

    I take care of my possessions. I am a good steward of my money. But my time is often used up without much thought or regard for it’s value. My possessions can be replaced. My money can be replenished. But my time… once it’s gone, I can never get it back. Lord, help me be a good steward of my time.

  4. marcia moran says:

    Subject: Wholly Broken…Just wanted to share this..

    For too long,
    my eyes have been

    too far away from you.

    My heart has begged

    to touch your Word,

    my hands,

    to grasp your love.

    Anoint these hands

    in Holy fire,

    consume them,

    use them as your pen.

    Mold my soul

    into your will,

    bending my knees,

    to face your feet,

    so that my tears can flow,

    and wash and fall,

    to the place my sins

    pierced and cut.

    With humble strands,

    let me wipe my pain,

    across your sacred blood.

    Heal these cracks,

    and hold my pieces.

    Guard them,

    redeem them,

    take this humble child,

    as I offer up

    my only gift,

    a spirit made soft,

    and tender,

    and wholly broken for you.

    Copyright 2011, Christi Armstrong

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s