GLEANINGS from Claudia: Grief – Scars

Posted on September 19, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Then he (Jesus) said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  John 20:27-29

Today is my birthday – birthday number two since Becky died. Last night I couldn’t sleep and I ended up sitting up and re-reading the Gleanings from the beginning. At so many places I was overcome with tears yet again, transported back in time to the deepest pain I’ve known and know. But with this I was also keenly aware of God’s healing and grace poured over and into this circumstance. So much healing has happened in my life and in the lives of those I love … it is hard to comprehend. Healing isn’t finished by any means and there are fresh grieves to consider as life goes on without Becky. But healing has happened and is happening.

Steve’s gift to me this year is one that I will treasure all of the days of my life. I was gifted with a Bible when we first came to Suburban that I’ve carried ever since. It has seen times of neglect and times of nearly constant use. It carries a record of God’s nudges and rebukes and comfort spoken specifically to me. The Bible got to the place where the cover was broken away from the spine and the pages were beginning to fall away. I mentioned this to my ever practical husband and commented that it would be cool to get the Bible rebound. He wasn’t too keen on the idea because the cost of rebinding could pay for two or more Bibles. I’m practical too and could see his point, so I just decided to keep using the Bible until it completely fell apart. A month or so later Steve started hinting around that he had the perfect gift idea for me. I was puzzled because there just isn’t much of anything I want or need. What I always most want is time with those I cherish – my ‘love language’ is Quality Time. Then in early September he told me he wanted to rebind my Bible! I was ecstatic and didn’t once even contemplate a ‘no’ to this extravagant gift.

We took the Bible to the local bindery … a magical and compelling place … and I worked with the craftswoman who would complete the task of rebinding my Bible. I chose a color and grain of leather, I chose 3 ribbons to be added, I chose a font for my name and the words Holy Bible to be engraved on the fine leather. Then I left the Bible in her hands and waited.

Bible Scar

A few days later I got a call from her. She was a bit dismayed because after cutting the leather to the appropriate size she realized that there was a ‘scar’ in the leather on the back of the Bible. She wanted to know if it was okay to leave the scar or if she should order more leather and hold onto the Bible for a couple of weeks. I decided it would be best to go in and take a look before making a decision so I stopped by later that day to see this scar. It was clear that the animal whose hide was wrapped around my Bible had somehow run into barbed wire or some sharp thing that had torn its hide. The flaw had healed leaving evidence of the injury, but not in such a way as to compromise the protective nature of the hide.

I told her that I’d like to keep the scar. Something about it just spoke to me of life … of my life. I’ve been bruised and injured so many times. Sometimes the injury has been because of my own hardheaded choice to sin. Sometimes the injury has been the outrageous sling or arrow of misfortune. As those places heal often a scar remains to remind me of both what happened and of the healing power of God’s mercy in my life. Losing Becky has scarred me until I enter eternity, but the presence of a scar is a testimony to healing.

I think that is why when Jesus rose and for a season walked among men in his glorified body he carried scars. God could have given Jesus a completely restored and beautiful body. It isn’t as if He was incapable of removing those scars. But the scars in Jesus hands and side give testimony to love so great that nothing could keep Him from completing death on a cross to purchase our salvation. Jesus is healed and whole and scarred. And those scars caused that great skeptic Thomas to exclaim “My Lord and My God!”

May my scars testify to the healing love of God over my life.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:7-18

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: Grief – “And the two shall become one flesh…”

Posted on September 18, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

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This will be another delayed post because I don’t really want Jacob or Cheryl to see it until after the girls give them the wedding gift they’ve chosen. Today Amity, Dara and I spent our last ‘free’ summer day together. I’ll be with them again on Monday, August 20, but that day will be consumed with preparations for the vacation that Steve, Joni and I will begin on the 21st. Steve and I return from vacation on September 6 and not long after that the girls will move into life with Cheryl. I relinquish my role as primary female caretaker for the girls with great joy and a tinge of sorrow. This has been a very special summer for me and I’m incredibly blessed that Jacob and the Lord trusted me enough to allow me the privilege of almost daily life with Amity and Dara.

Because this was our last day of a summer schedule together I asked the girls what they preferred to do. The options included fishing, a trip to Otter Beach, or a trip to our beautiful beaches. To my delight they chose the beach! We started our day by driving up to Lincoln City, but on the way we stopped at Alder House, the little glass-blowing studio just across from the shops near Salishan at Gleneden. Years ago Steve and I took our girls there to watch the artisans blow glass into beautiful and useful artwork. They loved watching the artists at work and so did Amity and Dara.

In the glass shop we watched the artist take a glob of clear molten glass from the 2000 degree furnace and begin to shape it to his purposes. After he worked the glass to the right place and temperature he rolled it in a coloring agent and worked it some more. Then he took another glob of molten glass and colored it another rich hue and utilizing the magic of heat and pressure caused the two pieces of glass to become one – colors still distinct and beautiful, yet blended together into one vessel. But he wasn’t done yet, he added lines of beautiful color encircling the globule of glass, heated some more and rolled until there were cosmic hues blended into the skin of the glass.

The glass was beautifully colored and shaped, but not yet utile in anyway, so he puffed into it creating a bubble of air inside the molten glass and ultimately causing that space inside to expand in such a way that the cooled vessel had internal capacity. With skillful hands he continued to work the vessel creating a flat bottom that would stand and a graceful, wide curved mouth that would accept whatever was placed inside the beautiful vase his hands shaped.  At various times in the artist’s process he rolled the hot glass in a wooden cradle that waited in water to be used to shape the vase. At other times he rolled the hot glass in his palm on a pad of water-saturated newspaper to get just the right curve that only the cup of his hand could shape. Whenever he used either of those tools, back into the furnace went the newly shaped glass so that all impurities could be burned off before he applied the next steps to beauty and utility.

As I watched this master craftsman pull a glob of molten glass from the furnace and then with tender hands and constant attention shape that glob into something beautiful I couldn’t help but think of what the Master Craftsman is doing in Jacob and Cheryl’s lives. The two shall become one. Two people pulled from the furnace of affliction, fragile and beautiful, blended together under the Master Craftsman’s hand into one beautiful and utile vessel for the Master. Two lives and two families intertwined, continuing to be perfected under the Master’s Hand. The full beauty of Jacob and Cheryl and of their combined families is yet to be seen as God continues His Master Work of refining and shaping and merging their two lives into one.

The girls picked out a beautiful cobalt blue vase with lighter colors swirled throughout that they will give Jacob and Cheryl as a wedding gift. I hope it will always be a reminder of the work of the Master Craftsman in their lives and in their marriage.  Cheryl told me today, September 18, 2012, that the girls presented them the vase. Jacob and Cheryl love the vase, this story, and the love and support the gift and story represent.

 Jacob and Cheryl were married in a private ceremony on the beach
with their children in attendance on Sunday, August 26, 2012.
“I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.”
Psalm 34:1-3

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:20-24

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: Grief – Sacrifice

Posted on September 12, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

Last week Jacob and I had a conversation that led us into recounting the story of the last 20 months, from Becky’s death to now. So much has happened. So much that has been hard and so much that has been healing and so much that is beautiful. We all continue to heal and find our way through new ways of being with each other as we move forward in the paths the Lord sets before us.

With Jacob’s late August marriage to Cheryl (every time I say, think, or write ‘Jacob’s marriage to Cheryl’ I breathe words of praise to the Lord!) my role with Amity and Dara has changed. I’m no longer going to their house four weekday mornings at 7am so that Jacob can head off to work. I’m not spending most summer days until 4:30 or 5:00 with a couple of the ‘girls of summer’ and I’m not returning to them at 2:30 on a school day afternoon. On one hand I’m thrilled that their lives have taken on the normal routine of an in-home mom who loves them and attends to them. But the flip side of this sudden change is psychic whiplash for me. I’ve had fun (and some trials) with the girls and there is mourning that comes with joy in this change.

The joy is pretty huge – I get to be GRANDMA again! Although I certainly care that Amity and Dara both grow up to be responsible, loving adults, I no longer feel compelled to provide the daily structure and discipline that helps to nurture that outcome.  I’ve long felt that Grandparents have a leg-up in getting to lavish unconditional love and grace on the lives of their kid’s kids and now I’m back to that cherished role! Hooray!

I mentioned my conflicted emotions about the girl’s new life to Jacob as we talked. He listened and then made a comment back that included the word ‘sacrifice’ related to the time I’ve given to caring for the girls. That word completely stopped my internal processor. I looked at it for a bit and considered the implications of the word and couldn’t make it apply to what I’ve done. A sacrifice implies pain and loss and giving up. What I’ve had with the girls just doesn’t fit into any of those categories. Rationally I know that my life and Steve’s life totally changed when we chose to help with the girls. In a way it changed back when I said to Becky, ‘don’t worry, if anything happens to you, Dad and I will help Jacob with the girls’, I just didn’t know it yet. But the pain and sorrow involved is related to not having Becky in the picture any more. Being with Amity and Dara and getting to watch the slow healing process unfold in Jacob and the girl’s lives has been a huge blessing and joy. It has been a comfort to me.

As I’ve processed this ‘sacrifice’ I found myself wondering about the sacrifice of Jesus. In a way His whole life was a sacrifice on our behalf. He gave up the glory of heaven and the joy of a relationship with the Father more intimate than we can even imagine, to live an ‘in the flesh’ life devoted to knowing, loving and teaching us. As He watched men and women that He loved grow and change and blossom in relationship with Him I suspect the gain in that season of His life far outweighed any loss. When it comes to His ultimate sacrifice, death on the cross, it is much harder to see sacrifice in a positive light. But I sense how deep and abiding joy and the prospect of future joy and ‘uncluttered by sin’ relationships carried Jesus through those hard hours. Because of Jesus’ everyday living and dying sacrifice we know how to be a living sacrifice, we know how to do what Romans tell us to do!

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life — your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life — and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.” Romans 12:1 from The Message Bible

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: Grief – A Return of Joy

Posted on August 16, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

Tonight, August 12, 2012, I’m writing a blog that I won’t post for a while because the news in it isn’t yet mine to share, but soon it will be. Earlier this afternoon I texted Jacob to make sure we are on ‘normal’ schedule this week in preparation for me going to be with the girls tomorrow as he heads for work. I didn’t hear back from him for a while, which is unusual, but when I did, his message back caused me to whoop out loud!

‘Yes normal schedule. Also, we took all the kids to dinner so we could let them know we are planning to get married soon.’

This casual approach to announcing epic news is so Jacob and it made me laugh! I knew marriage was a possibility. But the last time we spoke about it, Jacob indicated it was still a future concept as he and Cheryl tried to figure out the complexities of combining two families with a total of 6 kids and two households. But today’s sermon was on faith – on stepping out and following the Lord – on believing Him and walking forward even when you can’t always see where that next step leads. As I left church today I thought to myself, “Someone just needs to tell them to get married already!” And I guess someone did!

At this point little more is known than that it will be soon. But my heart rejoices! I’ve watched a deep friendship develop between Jacob and Cheryl. Cheryl loves the girls and they love her. She has been a shoulder for Jacob to cry on when grief was eating him alive. She has gotten in his face when he needed it and he has gotten in hers a time or two also. They enjoy each other and have fun together. They see much of life similarly and the places where they differ, well that will add spice to life. The biggest blessing for me is that Cheryl knew and loved Becky. Cheryl has been grieving her loss right along with the rest of us and there is no fear in her of Becky’s memory or of the ‘first love’ spot that she will always hold in Jacob’s heart. Cheryl has no need to fill the place that Becky filled, but rather to enter into a new relationship of love that will be a comfort and balm to both of them.

God is good and His gifts are awesome!

I remember so clearly the awareness that Steve and I had shortly after Becky died that in the long run losing Becky could mean letting Jacob and the girls go too. We wanted Jacob to marry again and we’ve been praying into that ever since the first days after her death.  But we knew it would take a strong, mature woman to be able to embrace and welcome his first wife’s parents and family. We were willing to let him go for the sake of his happiness, but in Cheryl we have that strong, mature woman who can love us too.

Neither Jacob nor Cheryl could have foreseen the life paths that brought them to this place. The events that brought them to this day aren’t events that they chose. But as so often happens, out of the ashes of difficult and tragic life events God brings great blessings. For this I am thankful. For this I rejoice!

The mission and heart of Jesus as expressed in Isaiah: “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion — to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3

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GLEANINGS From Claudia: Grief – Sweet Summer

Posted on August 11, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

Dear Becky,
Summer is winding down. It has been a good summer for me – a lot like the summers when you were a girl, before I started working out of our home. I’ve been blessed to be with Amity and Dara four days of most weeks and blessed by a dear friend who enjoys the girls on Fridays.

It has been an eventfully uneventful summer. The girls and I have gone fishing several times … I love it! I enjoyed fishing as a girl and haven’t managed to make it happen much over the course of my adult years. Then comes Dara daily into my life. Dara had some money to spend a while back and when Jacob and the girls visited Cabelas, she spotted a fishing pole and had to have it. Hooray! Amity borrowed an old, broken down pole I have, I grabbed the pole Steve got me for Christmas eons ago, and off we went to local ‘kid-friendly’ stocked ponds. Dara is the fish-catching queen and Amity and I plug along behind her, lucky to get any at all. But what fun!!!

We enjoyed Grandmapa Camp together with Joni and Kristin and Helen and Patrick. We went to Enchanted Forest, spent a day at the coast, ate Moe’s, swam at Otter Beach, visited area parks, ate Burger King with Grandpa, and just plain enjoyed each other for several days. These cousins love each other TONS and delight to be together.

The girls are growing up, plain and simple. Amity is a thinker – so ready for sixth grade (can you believe it?). She loves being outside, rough and tumble play, living in the river, making her own way and proving who she is. Dara is an engager – she loves being with people, orchestrating rich and detailed stories into complex lives played out by her dolls, cuddling with those she loves, she is also so ready for fourth grade. They spent hours and hours at the Fair this year, learning about pigs and hold the hope of raising their own 4-H pigs next year, a great goal!

It is clear that they still miss you, but also clear that they are going to be OK. I see the hand of God in their lives in so many ways. He sees their hurt, He is concerned for them and He has come down to care for them in the many blessings He provides every day.

Early this year some dear friends gave us a gift certificate to a local nursery. Their intent was that we find something for our yard that would somehow speak to us of you. We held off on that, waiting until our landscape project was done. Yesterday we went looking and decided upon a wind chime! You knew how much I enjoyed wind chimes and I still have the chime in our backyard that you and your family gave me several years ago. The new ‘Becky’ chime hangs under our front eaves now. This morning I sat enjoying time with the Lord right by our open front window. The early morning was quiet, but as time went by breezes began to stir the chimes into sweet music. What a wonderful gift! The chimes waterfall into joyful melodies and I remember the cascade of your laughter both as a little girl and a grown woman. I miss you, but I also sense your joy and the joy set before me.

Life is good – even when it is bad, but I’m more eager than ever to step into the reality of eternity and see Jesus face-to-face. And oh the joy of embracing you once again!

Can’t wait to see you!

Love,
Mom

Wind Chimes

Wind Chimes – a gift from dear friends!

WINDCHIMES

Sweet song
Stirred by breeze
A single note
Here … there
Now cascades of joy
On currents of air

Peace, tranquility
Always waiting
The next breeze or gale
Wind’s breath comes when it will
How it stirs
I will wait to hear

Again breeze and sweet music
I’m ready
Stir me Lord
To Your joy

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: Grief – Ten Thousand Reasons

Posted on June 3, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

I haven’t posted about grief for a while. We are in the eighteenth month since Becky died. Life has taken on the color of the new normal. Many good things, so many blessings have come about for Jacob and the girls and for me and my family in this new normal. Grief is mellow most of the time – still there as a quiet underpinning of life, but not usually spewing into and over every activity. But there are still those days that are just plain hard —  inexplicably hard and I miss her so much.

June 2012
Eighteen months and so much has happened
Jacob has a girl friend
Amity and Dara are two weeks from ending a school year in Philomath
Jacob has a new home and he is almost moved into it
Jacob has a great job
Andrew and Jaime have moved back to Kauai

A lot has changed and a lot remains the same
I miss you
Your Dad misses you
Joni misses you
Kristin misses you
Jacob misses you
Amity misses you
Dara misses you

The missing goes deep  —  it is wrong that you are gone – life is out of kilter
I touch your things helping with this move and I’m so hungry to talk to you
Amity ‘graduates’ from Fifth Grade soon and you will be present in your absence
Dara isn’t afraid of bees anymore and she wants to ride her bike to school
You need to celebrate with these girls who love you so much

Life is lived out in missing you
Life is missing you
I see, feel, smell, taste, and hear missing you

Still I know you live and I will see you again
It was constant and certain the night you died and now
The ache overshadows the knowing
The longing powers over the waiting
Still tenacious determined faith breathes in and out because where else would I go?

_________________________________________________________________

Bless the lord oh my soul, Oh my soul, worship his holy name
Sing like never before, Oh my soul, I worship your holy name
The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning, it’s time to sing your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the lord oh my soul, Oh my soul, worship his holy name
Sing like never before, Oh my soul, I worship your holy name
You’re rich in love and you’re slow to anger, Your name is great and your heart is kind
For all your goodness I will keep on singing, 10,000 reasons for my heart to find

Bless the lord oh my soul, Oh my soul, worship his holy name
Sing like never before, Oh my soul, I worship your holy name
And on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come
Soon my soul will sing your praise un-ending, 10,000 years and then forever more

“Ten Thousand Reasons” by Matt Redman

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GLEANINGS from Claudia – The Abiding Life: The God Who Sees

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

I am forever changed by grief, but grief is not the full measure of my life in Christ. “GLEANINGS from Claudia — The Abiding Life” explores this life attached to the One True Vine.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:13

Used and abused by a couple who could no longer wait on the promise of God, pregnant Hagar fled to a spring in a desert place. The Angel of the Lord found her there and asked her where she came from and where she was going. Hagar’s answer was about where she came from “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai” but there was no place she was going and no answer for that question. Through His angel (who many commentators think is Jesus) God gave her the answer telling her to go back to her mistress and submit to her. Can you imagine? What did that response do to Hagar’s heart? But there was more – God saw Hagar and God affirmed Hagar’s personhood and value telling her that He would increase her descendants so that they would be too numerous to count. God provided justice and gave her a promise she could cling to. She no longer had to find her value in the approbation of the one she served on earth — rather she found it in the One who saw her from heaven.

Hagar named the Lord who spoke to her ‘El Roi’ translated ‘the God who sees.’ He saw her among the servants of Abram, He saw her serving Sarai, He saw her in the arms of Abram, He saw her mistreated by Sarai, and he saw her in the desert place. In every circumstance, in a life that was mostly out of her control, He saw Hagar. He saw the child in her womb and He saw the future for Hagar, for the child and for the descendants from this child. He saw the years of animosity to come between the lineage of Ishmael and the lineage of Isaac – a history of struggle born of the impatience of two people who couldn’t quite wait for the promise of God.  And He saw the coming redemption and reconciliation – that sure time when the plan of history would be complete and many people from each lineage would stand before the throne of God in total, awestruck worship.

El Roi – the God of justice, redemption, reconciliation, vision, compassion, mercy, provision, abundance – the God who sees! God give me the fortitude and strength to wait on Your promises, to wait for Your provision, to wait for YOU!

“LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. …  You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
Psalms 16:5-8, 11

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GLEANINGS from Claudia – The Abiding Life: I Believe, but …

Posted on May 9, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

I am forever changed by grief, but grief is not the full measure of my life in Christ. “GLEANINGS from Claudia — The Abiding Life” explores this life attached to the One True Vine.

 “Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” Genesis 15:6

This morning the Lord showed me some things about belief and faith. In Genesis 15 Abram has just come from a battle where he successfully rescued Lot and Lot’s possessions from four kings. The first thing God says to him is “Do not be afraid Abram, I am your shield, your very great reward.” Abram immediately asks “O Sovereign LORD, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?” And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.” (Genesis 15:2, 3) The Lord’s response is to say that a child from Abram’s own body will be his heir and then he takes Abram outside and shows him the stars in the sky telling him “so shall your offspring be.” The next line is the one that blesses me “Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” What I love best about this statement is what follows this affirmation from the Lord. The Lord reminds Abram that he brought him out of Ur to take possession of the land. Now remember that Abram has just come from a battle where he managed to rescue Lot, but he has gained no ground in the fight. Abram’s very natural question is “How can I know that I will gain possession of it?” Now to me, if belief relied upon accepting and understanding every nuance of God’s work and will in our lives, the next line should read “Abram doubted the Lord, and he docked his righteousness.” Instead the Lord takes Abram through an elaborate ceremony during which he gives Abram a glimpse at the future and seals his promise to give Abram possession of the land.

Psalms 15 and Matthew 15 described similar situations to me. In both I see pictures of people doing and acting right even in the face of daunting circumstances. I realized that ‘belief’ or ‘faith’ is only partially about what we think we can affirm and agree with, but is even more about acting upon our understanding of the character of the God we know.  The Canaanite mother in Matthew 15 knew Jesus could heal her daughter. She knew this so much that she continued to pursue Jesus and her daughter’s healing even when it seemed Jesus would have none of it. And in the final analysis Jesus acts on behalf of this mother and daughter. Walking boldly forward in the face of that which can’t be completely known is faithful. Asking questions of God and seeking His explanation and knowledge of the details of a situation is also faithful. Who better to tell us what He knows? Just keep following Him, keep asking the questions and know that He will guide one step at a time all the way to the place to which He calls you.

“LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? … who keeps his oath even when it hurts … He who does these things will never be shaken.” Psalms 15:1, 4, 5

“Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.” Matthew 15:28

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GLEANING from Claudia — The Abiding Life: Sisters, Sisters …

Posted on May 4, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

I am forever changed by grief, but grief is not the full measure of my life in Christ. “GLEANINGS from Claudia — The Abiding Life” explores this life attached to the One True Vine.

“Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair.  And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” John 12:3

Last weekend I was blessed to participate in our church’s wonderful women’s retreat on the beautiful Oregon coast. I missed this event last year and it was so good to be back with this group of women focused on listening to the Lord and enjoying each other. One of the speakers, Kim Simmons, shared in passing a little bit about Martha and Mary. I honestly can’t remember exactly what she said, but I’ve been pondering Martha and Mary and their respective relationships with Jesus ever since.

Martha and Mary are sisters and about as different as two sisters can be. There is so much you can sense from reading the passages about Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42; John 11:1-3; John 12:1-8). It seems likely that Martha is the older sister and responsible for managing the household. Martha may also have had the gift of service. She is a realist and in control of her emotions. She has a good grasp of truth and she is direct in speaking that truth. She is the first person that the gospel of John quotes as stating that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God. Mary, whom I suspect is the younger sister, is a feeler through and through. She is extravagant in the depth of her love and in the expressions of the same. She was completely prostrate with grief at the death of her brother, and collapsed at Jesus’ feet when He came to Bethany. Both sisters knew that Jesus could have prevented Lazarus’ death, but I don’t think either fully understood that He also could raise Lazarus to life again.

I so appreciate the way Jesus interacts with each of them. He loves them each just the way they are and in a way that resonates with each of them. He gently rebukes Martha in Luke 10:38-42, not allowing her to become small and self pitying as she serves Him, but encouraging her to understand the better thing. When emotional Mary grieves deeply in His presence He joins in her grief even though He knows that Lazarus’ resurrection is just moments away. When I see Jesus deeply accepting, teaching, loving, and communicating with the two sisters it encourages me to accept both myself and the way I’m made and to accept and love my ‘sisters’ who are completely different than me in their approach to Jesus. We can learn so much from each other and the way we love Jesus. And I think we can learn so much from Jesus and the way He loved these two very different sisters. What a blessing that the Lord made sure His relationship with this family was included in the gospels!

“Yes, Lord,” she (Martha) told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”
John 11:27

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GLEANINGS from Claudia – The Abiding Life: Purity Through Pruning

Posted on April 24, 2012 by Gleanings from Claudia

I am forever changed by grief, but grief is not the full measure of my life in Christ. “GLEANINGS from Claudia — The Abiding Life” explores this life attached to the One True Vine.

“Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.”
Matthew 5:8

This morning as I read Matthew chapter 5 I was drawn to the statement of Jesus “Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.” I found myself wondering “Where will they see God?”; “When will they see God?”; “How will they see God?” and “How in the world can I ever be that ‘pure’?”

I decided to do a word study on the Greek word translated ‘pure’. Pure is the word Katharos, an adjective, which means clean, clear, pure.  The word is used 27 times throughout the New Testament and seems to generally mean simply ‘clean’ as in ‘clean linen’ or a ‘clean heart’.  There is another use of the word that really struck me. In Titus 1:15-16 I saw “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.” I so distinctly remember when I first surrendered my life to Jesus and decided to follow Him one of the first evidences of the presence of the Holy Spirit in me was that He cleaned up my impure mind. I was a 17 year old young lady with a mind that went readily to double entendres. No matter the innocence of statements made in my hearing, my mind would impute some impure connotation and I would snicker and smirk in response. I blush to think of this now. Within weeks of coming to Christ my mind was cleansed and the innocent words of others retained their innocence …. all things became pure.

When I saw the word Katharos, I remembered an earlier study I did on a similar word. In John 15:2 the word translated ‘prune’ is Kathairo, a verb, which means to cleanse, to prune, to expiate. Katharos, pure, is the root word for the verb Kathairo, to prune.  In John 15:2 Jesus uses the very ‘common to his disciples’ analogy of a vineyard, fruit, and the vinedresser’s work to explain what His Father does in our lives.  What I experienced at 17 as a new believer, was that pruning work of the Father cleansing me and taking away the ‘suckers’ that would sap my young life in Him of strength and power. He cleansed my mind and gave me the ability to hear communications in a pure manner. Interestingly there is debate among Bible scholars about the translation of the word airo that results in the phrase ‘cuts off every branch’ early in John 15:2. Many Bible scholars think that word should instead be translated ‘lifts up’. This process is common to vineyards where a young branch is lifted up off the ground out of the dirt and pests. It is then pruned and given the optimum situation so that fruit can result. I have sensed the Holy Spirit doing that over and over for me. He encourages my growth, being patient with me, lifting and pruning so that fruit-bearing maturity can come. How thankful I am that He didn’t call me to Himself only to throw me away when He saw the impurities of my life. How thankful I am that instead He is the one who creates a pure heart in me so that I can see Him!

“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”John 15:2

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