GLEANINGS From Claudia: The Abiding Life — Eve’s Got Nothing On Me

Posted on January 25, 2014 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. And the LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground — trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” Genesis 2:8-9

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.” Genesis 2:15-17

Each year our church joins several other churches in the Willamette Valley for a week of prayer and fasting sometime during the month of January. Tomorrow we will end our week of prayer and fasting and I’m eager to hear about other’s experiences. I confess to a love/hate relationship with this week. Without fail each time that I’ve fasted and prayed I’ve experienced answered prayer or some insight into me or the Lord. That’s the part I love along with the fact that, in general, I feel better when I’m fasting. The part I hate is going to bed hungry and the realization of how wimpy I am – fasting is hard!

This year God has clearly shown me that I am a lover of comfort. I’m not proud of that fact, but I have to own it. He also showed me how easy it is for me to allow that one thing I can’t have, the one thing I really want, to overshadow every other good blessing of my life – to cast it all into darkness.

I relate to Adam and Eve. I’ve been schooled to think that their big sin in the garden was pride – wanting to be like God. I do think that pride was part of it, but I think even more it was a sin of ingratitude. Adam and Eve were given everything they needed in the most beautiful garden ever created. They had purposeful employment as caretakers of this beautiful garden. They had each other, a loving gift from the God of all relationship, and best of all they had intimate friendship and partnership with God. God even brought the animals to Adam to see what he would name them! I think that is amazing.

But it wasn’t enough. God gave one directive, the command to NOT eat of the tree in the middle of the garden, and it became their undoing. The command was protective not proscriptive. The innocent Adam and Eve lived in a perfect place with everything they needed. Their best friend was also their most powerful protector. They need not worry about evil, they could trust their God, but that whole ‘if I can’t have it, then I want it’ mentality took over. When the serpent tempted Eve he made it seem like God withheld the best tree in the world with the best fruit. Eve bit and the rest is history.

How sad for them and for all of us. Sin and death entered the world. Banishment and pain came between Adam and Eve and the God they had loved and enjoyed so much. And you know what? I’m certain that I would’ve done just what Eve did. The saddest thing about it to me is that Eve chose to listen to a voice that clearly said the opposite of what the voice she loved had said to Adam. She listened to lies instead of life. She grew blind to the abundant blessings she freely enjoyed and she listened to lies.

Satan was then and is now the great deceiver. This year’s fast has taught me to live in gratitude and to savor all of the blessings God has poured out on me. I choose to listen to the voice of God, to receive His gifts with gratitude and to ignore that old deceiver when He tries to get me to focus on what I don’t have. With God’s help I choose to fast from ingratitude – permanently!

“From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.” John 1:16

Posted in Abiding | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – A Purpose in Suffering

Posted on October 9, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.” Colossians 1:24-25 NIV

“I want you to know how glad I am that it’s me sitting here in this jail and not you. There’s a lot of suffering to be entered into in this world — the kind of suffering Christ takes on. I welcome the chance to take my share in the church’s part of that suffering. When I became a servant in this church, I experienced this suffering as a sheer gift, God’s way of helping me serve you, laying out the whole truth.” Colossians 1:24-25 The Message

Over the course of the last few years I feel like I’ve become a tuning fork pitched to suffering. I have experienced pain and so many around me are in pain. Some suffer excruciating things that seem to have fallen from the sky, others suffer because of choices they have made. In any case there is a universe of hurt.

As I was praying for various of these hurting people this morning a verse came to me that has always intrigued me. Paul, in Colossians, says ‘… I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions …” I find that an astonishing statement. Something is lacking in Christ’s afflictions? Where else in scripture can I find that sentiment?

As I’ve processed this I really think scripture is replete with this thought. On one hand Jesus has taken all our sin, all our pain, all our sorrow and died with it on the cross. We get to share in this perfect work and enjoy an eternity without sin, pain or suffering! Hallelujah! BUT God has also chosen to make this glorious work known through US. In engineering circles today that would likely be considered a significant design flaw, but God delights to powerfully use the most improbable of us in ways that astound and defy reality.

We live in, and Jesus was killed by, a sin-tainted world. Sin by its very nature brings suffering – it is inescapable because sin brings death. God did not plan a redemption that somehow involved a pain-free sacrifice that washed away sin, rather He experienced the full measure of sin’s pain and suffering. How then can we who still live in a sin-tainted place expect anything different? We will know pain and suffering. For those of us who also know Jesus and follow Him even in our pain, there is a real truth that as we continue to love God, submit to His plan and purpose, glorify Him and cling to Him even when the suffering is near unbearable, in that surrendered, tenacious choice God’s redemptive plans and purposes win and death is once again defeated. Our lives testify to the Gospel truth that life wins, that with Christ we can bear suffering and look to the joy set before us. As we suffer with our broken beings turned toward God, partnering with Him, seeking His solace, He uses every ounce of our suffering to somehow establish His gospel truth in our lives and broadcast it to the lives of others.

I once thought Paul’s statement a wonderful sentiment for long-suffering missionaries to cling to and believe. Today I think it a sweet mystery for every Kingdom lover to grasp and live out. Through our broken jar-of-clay lives shines the great power of God and the piercing comfort of the truth of the gospel. Hang in there for the joy set before you!

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3

Posted in Abiding | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – “A Song”

Posted on October 6, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

I love worship music. At one time in my life it was the primary love language I used to speak to God. In recent years that spot has been overtaken by prayer and the Word of God, but I still love worship music. I’m not one to rush to Christmas and like so many others it sets my teeth on edge to enter a store in September and see decorations and hear music that has nothing to do with Fall and everything to do with Christmas. At that point it seems more like the time to bow to the almighty dollar is right around the corner instead of a time to contemplate and celebrate this great love of God for us. That said, at the end of September I can count on beginning to practice choir music for our Christmas celebration at church. I enter into this with relish because the songs so early in the season begin to frame my heart and mind for awe and joy at the condescension of God to come and dwell with man.

This year there is one song in particular that powerfully touches me and draws me into worship. We will be presenting the Christmas worship music of “Joy of Every Longing Heart” arranged by Travis Cottrell. This music is a worship setting and tells the story of the great healing and saving work of God in Christ.  The song that so powerfully speaks my heart is a simple lullaby “Sleep Now, Little Child”. The story of that song is presented from a prescient Mary, a Mary who knows what is coming and chooses to fully live and savor this moment with her sweet baby.

The song is musical genius. It has the sweet winsomeness of a lullaby wrapped in the mournful timbre of a minor key. I completely enter in to the deep love of a mother for her newborn experienced by a young woman who knows that ‘sorrow will pierce her heart also’. Her desire to fully experience the moment is colored by her mourning and then exalted by lifting her eyes to her Lord and declaring “My soul magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord, He has done great things!”  I so resonate with that ‘determined to praise God no matter what’ attitude. Finally, the song comes to an end, a sorrow-wrapped surrender, sad but sweet. And then there is a swell and crescendo as Mary speaks forth her mangnifcat again “My soul magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord, He has done great things!” I feel that fullness of love held within a complete and determined surrender to the purposes and glory of God. Beautiful, sad, glorious – it is the power of love that goes beyond the moment to trust in an overall plan beyond our comprehension. It is the deep soul knowledge that all will be restored in eternity and be even more than can be thought or imagined.

In this song and in Mary’s story I see every person. Our moments of deepest joy are loaded with sorrow we can’t yet grasp. But even our moments of the most compassing sorrow overflow with joy unspeakable.  Our relationship with God, our praise in all circumstances, is the place where sorrow and joy meet and joy becomes our eternal home.

SLEEP NOW, LITTLE CHILD
By Sue C. Smith, David Moffitt and Kip Fox

Sleep now, little Child, rest Your head upon Your mother’s shoulder
Close Your little eyes, Your father’s here, and he will keep you safe
While the whole world waits for You to wake up

Sleep now, little Child, let the song of angels be Your cover
This night You are mine, and I will hold You till the break of day
While the whole world waits for You to save us

My soul magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord
He has done great things!
My soul magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord
He has done great things!

Oh my soul, magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord
He has done great things!
Oh, my soul magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord
He has done great things!

Sleep now little Child, soon the weight will be upon Your shoulders
There’s so little time, I won’t let this moment slip away
For the whole world waits to see You raised up
Mmmmm, Hoooo

My soul magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord
He has done great things!
My soul magnifies the Lord, magnifies the Lord
He has done great things!

Sleep now little Child, rest Your head upon Your mother’s shoulder
Close Your little eyes, Your father’s here, and he will keep you safe
While the whole world waits for You to wake up
Ummmm, Hoooo, Oh

Posted in Abiding, Grief | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – “The Window”

Posted on October 3, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

Yesterday I enjoyed an early breakfast with a dear friend. She shared with me a true story from her life, a gift that God gave her that has also become a parable for her heart. She gave me permission to write it up and share it with you! Enjoy

Not my friend's window, but mine a few years back!

Not my friend’s window, but mine a few years back!

 

_________________________________________________

Like so many other times, I lifted the blinds on the bathroom window and immediately experienced peace flooding over and into me. That early morning view of the field next door never fails to lift me. Even though each day’s singular light remarkably changes what I see, it always speaks to my spirit. As I reluctantly turned away from this sweet view and stepped onto the stairs to go down to my chair, my ‘nest’ where for twenty-two years now I meet the Lord every morning, I thought of the wall across from my chair. I love that chair. I cuddled my babies in it. I sipped tea and shared deeply with dear friends while sitting in that chair. This chair in this quiet room is sanctuary and memory book and meeting place all rolled into one. It actually faces the same wall that the bathroom window is on, but down here in my quiet room the wall is just that – a large, blank wall. All I could think is “Oh well, you can’t really have company in the bathroom now, can you? I guess this chair facing this wall is just the way it is.”

And then the whisper, “Why not put a window in that wall?”

What? Where did THAT come from? A window in that wall? That wall is part of this house and has been that way for twenty-two years. If it was meant to have a window in it, it would have a window in it! Doesn’t that wall NEED to be a wall? Isn’t it weight-bearing or something? Wouldn’t the house be threatened or break apart if a window was there? Besides, who has the money for that? Who has the energy for that? What a MESS it would make!

But that sweet little thought would not hush.  Why not explore this idea? Perhaps this idea itself is a gift from God.  I can’t quite believe that the idea came from me. After all I have sat in this room in my chair for all of these years and NOT thought of it. When I broached this idea with my husband, he reacted a lot like me. We just did not have the money for something like this, but as he considered what a window would look like and he saw my earnest desire to at least see what could be done, he agreed to explore how to make it happen. We decided to have a contractor we know take a look. If we could find a used window and if the cost was low enough … well, we wouldn’t know without checking it out.

Our contractor friend came out and looked the house over. He is a man we’ve known many years. We trust him completely and love the way He loves and serves the Lord with the gift of his life and profession. When it came time to talk over details and price, we steeled ourselves for either ‘it can’t be done’ or a cost that was simply too much and prepared to let go of the dream of a window.

“There is no reason you can’t have a window in that wall. In fact, you really should have a window in your den too! That den wall is made for something much bigger than that little thing you have facing such a beautiful forested view. You need more of that filtered light coming into your home. I can do this for you. But the ONLY way I’ll do it for you is if you let me do it as a gift to you. I’m coming up on a 2 week lull in my work and I WANT to gift you with this! I’ll go pick out a couple of gently used windows, you pay for them, and I’ll install them. There’s no arguing about this because you can’t pay me to do it, but I’ll gladly do it for free.”

We were astonished.  Blessed.  In awe of God’s gift through this idea and then through this dear and talented man.

In very short order we watched as our wall was ripped open and a window began to take place. On one hand the work was painfully slow. It hurt in a surprising way to see our much-loved home torn into and its strong frame laid bare to the elements. It was an endurable loss because we knew a master carpenter was at work and the promise beyond the pain was sweet and beautiful.

And in very real ways the final outcome, the wall across from my chair made inviting with a window opening onto my favorite view, came with amazing speed and familiarity. Once in place it just seemed and felt ‘right’ … like that opening with that light and that beauty should have truly been there all along. I will never take it for granted and the sawing and tearing and restoring that brought it about is now a part of me too. But the result, the restoration of the ‘broken’ wall now able to let the outside light in, has brought about something even better than what was before and that really seems to be the truth of the architect’s original plan. It took twenty-two years for me to see right in front of me that which was always possible. When my ears heard and my eyes were opened, the walls were breached and a double blessing gained.

Oh Lord, do the same in my walled soul!

Posted in Abiding | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

GLEANINGS from Claudia: Job Chapter 2:11ff – Job’s Friends

Posted on September 23, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

JOB CHAPTER 2:11ff – JOB’S FRIENDS

We first meet Job’s three friends Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite after they hear of Job’s troubles and come together to provide Job comfort in his loss. In fact, it appears they have come to Job to sit ‘Shiva’ with him. The Hebrew word ‘Shiva’ means seven. The practice of Shiva begins on the day of the funeral and continues for seven days counting the day of the funeral as day one.  In sitting Shiva with a friend, those coming are completely in tune with the mourning person. They wait on the mourner to speak and often Shiva is held in silence. When the mourner does choose to engage in conversation, those who have come to sit Shiva often share stories from the life of the one who died.

We don’t know the exact time frame of the sequence of events in Job’s story, but scripture tells us that these friends decided together to come to Job to sympathize with and comfort him when they heard about all of his troubles. Their deliberate choice to come to Job for the express purpose of comfort speaks to my heart.

When our daughter Becky died our family and friends were our lifeline in a raging storm that threatened to sink us. We had friends who came to our home that night unbidden and quietly prayed and lifted us up. They kept their peace, but at the same time offered us wisdom about travel choices in the midst of a winter storm.  I was then and am still amazed at the graceful dance our friends maneuvered as they offered us love, support, and space to process our grief and progress toward a measure of healing and acceptance. This was the most beautiful personal experience of the body of Christ in action that I’ve ever known.

I see that grace in the way Job’s friends engaged with him at the dawning of his great grief and loss. As they glimpsed him in the distance, they wept aloud and tore their robes, sprinkling dust on their heads. As they drew near they were crushed by his grief and joined him sitting on the ground for seven days and seven nights. Theirs was a solidarity of silent suffering.

I’ve learned a lot about coming alongside others in grief through my own experience of grief. I always feel inadequate to say the right thing or to write words that will encourage and heal or to know what to do for someone I love who is deep in the grip of mourning. I still feel inadequate, but I’ve learned that just a note saying ‘I’m sorry’ or being with a friend and shedding a few tears or sitting quietly and letting my hurting friend take the lead … all of these mean so much in the face of deep sorrow and loss. At least in the beginning, as we first meet Job’s friends, they are truly his comforters and companions in grief.

I also know that part of my feeling of inadequacy and uncertainty about how to proceed in the face of death was about not having really considered death. It is easier to avoid thinking about this certain end to our lives. It is easier to give a moment to sympathy and then to turn back to life. But for those facing the reality of death either for themselves or someone they love, turning away is not an option.  As a true friend to someone who is in this experience, we are called upon to think through our own understanding of death, the goodness or indifference or outright evil intent of the God we serve, who really is in control, and what is the purpose of life anyway? The answers we come to as we process these questions and more have the potential of shaping the course of our lives … perhaps THIS is what Job is really about!

Posted in JOB | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

GLEANINGS from Claudia: Job – More On Job Chapters 1&2

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

MORE ON JOB CHAPTERS 1 & 2

Job Chapters 1 & 2 just won’t leave my head and heart. Job’s experience is in some measure what we all experience. I have so many friends going through such upheaval and heartache right now. Some face difficult even terminal diagnoses, others are watching the dissolution of marriages they thought were solid and strong. I have friends who have lost loved ones to death way out of time and others whose jobs have been pulled out from under them. The older I get the more I realize that life is hard … it just is hard. Often my response to a hard circumstance is to search for a broader meaning or some clear understanding of what God is doing through the current hard thing. I’ve realized as I read these first two chapters of Job that likely even if I knew the background of how something came to be I would not be satisfied. In fact, I might even be more appalled than I am when I’m feeling in the dark about the Lord’s mind for me and my life. So how to get through this hard stuff? I’ve concluded that in the dark I need to cling to what I’ve come to know of the character and person of God.

To me that character is most clearly demonstrated in Jesus and what God did for us through the incredibly hard life of Christ. As I read through the New Testament and see the life that Jesus lived and the relationship He maintained with Father God, I get the map for how to live out my hard life in relationship with God. To me the most telling and pertinent episode of Jesus’ life is the passion and crucifixion. Father God gave Satan full permission to mock, beat-up, and disfigure Jesus. He gave Satan permission even to kill Jesus and to lay upon Him all of the sin of all time. Satan had permission to literally destroy Jesus. He couldn’t have done a thing to Jesus without that permission, but God gave Satan freedom. If I had been able to stand at the foot of the cross the day that Jesus hung there and to somehow supernaturally look into heavJen to see what in the world God and Satan were discussing at that time, I imagine the scene would have disturbed me far more than the scene behind Job’s losses.

“But God, this is Your son! This is the one You supposedly love! How can You possibly let Satan get away with this? What possible gain could there be in allowing this horrible, ugly, impossible-to-redeem scenario play out?”

But God saw beyond the cross, He had a purpose in mind, and the purpose was my salvation and your salvation and the winning of salvation for every person for all time. God is perfectly good. God is omniscient. God is omnipotent. And God is love. I can trust His character even when what I’m going through seems to be the vilest possible set of circumstances. Even if what I’m going through is fraught with sin and I’m victimized. God can and will redeem it as I seek to follow and worship Him in the dark.

I believe one of the reasons Job is in the canon of scripture is to give us a glimpse into the heart of this perfectly good God Who truly does have authority over Satan and over death. The glimpse in Job is imperfect, but when Jesus comes we get to see the rest of the story! And it is good!

Posted in JOB | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

GLEANINGS from Claudia: JOB – Chapters 1 & 2

Posted on September 17, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

Job Chapters 1 and 2

Have you ever met a truly good man? A man who you could trust to do the right thing by God and by man? The book of Job tells us that there is in the land of Uz a man named Job who is honest, a family man, wealthy and pious. He cares about his family deeply and sacrifices to God on their behalf regularly. He is the most influential man of his time and culture. As I read about Job I think I would like him and be pleased to be his friend.

Even God thinks highly of Job. We know this because right after being introduced to Job, we get to look into the throne room of God. On this day the angels have come before God. Along with them Satan appears. God singles Satan out and asks him where he has come from to which Satan casually replies “going here and there, checking things out.” The next thing out of God’s mouth brings a catch to my heart. God asks Satan if he has considered His servant Job (really God? Please don’t point me out to Satan!). God seems to be proud of Job, impressed by his integrity and devotion. He leads Satan to consider this upright man. Evidently Satan HAS considered Job and thinks of him as God’s pet, God’s favorite. He accuses God of putting a hedge of protection around Job and implies that this is all the reason that Job is such a man of integrity. And then comes that which is so incredibly hard to accept … God gives Satan permission to take everything from Job except his health.

God knows Job well. After Satan has done his dirty work and taken Job’s herds, his servants, and his children, Job is crushed and goes into mourning, but he speaks nothing against God. In fact he worships God and accuses Him of no wrongdoing.

A bit later we go to the throne room again. Once again the angels and Satan appear before God. God again draws Satan’s attention to Job’s integrity and Satan argues that if you take a man’s health away, then he will curse God. So God gives Satan permission to take Job’s health, but not to kill him. Satan afflicts Job and we soon see him sitting on a trash heap, scraping his oozing sores with broken pottery, while his wife tells him to curse God and die. But Job maintains his integrity saying that he will take from God both the good days and the bad. Once again he does not sin and says nothing against God.

I hate to admit this, but when I read through this story I want to rail against God. So many questions and emotions are raised up. God and Job appear to be in relationship, even to the point of friendship, but what kind of friend would do this to his companion?  Did God feel the need to prove something to his enemy Satan? Why? And why prove something to his enemy at such huge expense to His friend?

I’ve experienced the shock of sudden loss, the death of a daughter. When I consider Job’s loss of seven children in one tragic blow it completely overwhelms me. But I relate to Job beyond grief and into worship. I know in the depths of my being that God is not some arbitrarily homicidal megalomaniac who shores up His sagging ego by watching us maintain an attitude of submissive worship in the face of personal atrocity. I know that He is good and His ultimate purposes are good. I take comfort in the fact that nothing can touch us without His permission, not nature, not Satan, not death. And I know that I know nothing. My understanding of the person and purposes of God is much less than my puny grasp of the vastness of the universe.

I think Job’s response to his situation is pretty much perfect.

Job got to his feet, ripped his robe, shaved his head, then fell to the ground and worshiped: ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, naked I’ll return to the womb of the earth. GOD gives, GOD takes. God’s name be ever blessed.’ Not once through all this did Job sin; not once did he blame God.  Job 1:20-22 The Message.

His wife said, “Still holding on to your precious integrity, are you? Curse God and be done with it!” He told her, “You’re talking like an empty-headed fool. We take the good days from God — why not also the bad days?” Not once through all this did Job sin. He said nothing against God. Job 2:9-10 The Message.

Job shows a perfect understanding of who he is in the eternal scheme of things. Everything he is and has is a gift from the hand of God in the first place. It simply makes no sense to curse God for gifts He owns and gives … even when those gifts are taken away.

I can’t pretend to understand the interchange between God and Satan. I don’t know why it seemed right and needful to God to allow Satan this siege of His friend Job. What happened in heaven is beyond my ability to grasp. But I do know that at least at this point of fresh wounding Job responded in a right way, a righteous way.  And I know that I want to be like Job.

Posted in JOB | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

GLEANINGS from Claudia – The Abiding Life: Friend of God

Posted on September 15, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

“The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend.” Exodus 33:11

For whatever reason, of late I’ve been exploring the concept of God as friend. I know the concept is Biblically sound. Exodus tells us God spoke to Moses face to face as a man speaks with his friend. In the New Testament book of James we see Abraham called God’s friend. Jesus tells His disciples in John 15 that He no longer calls them servants, but friends making known to them everything He learned from the Father.

The idea of God as friend has been a cipher for me. Do I really want God to be my friend? When I think of a ‘friend’ what does that mean to me? Am I a good friend? And why in the world would God (or anyone for that matter) want to be friends with me?

I feel like a toddler soaking up the things I’m beginning to understand about friendship. In this season of life God has given me the blessing of a few close friends who are mighty women in ministry. These women are not perfect and I’m thankful for that. They are beautiful, weak, still growing and struggling women who are letting God use them in powerful ways to bring healing into other women’s lives. We have this sweet thing going on where we know each other’s stories and know the power of God at work changing each of us. Because of this transparency when we are tempted, or fall into despondency, or are stepping into a battle, or feel inadequate in those frontline places God deploys us we can call out to each other for prayer (usually via text or email) and know that prayers are immediately lifted. This is Kingdom friendship … a gift from God, a partnering in God’s work to free each of us and transform us into all that He has created us to be for His glory, His plans, and His purpose.

As I’ve enjoyed these deepening friendships, I think I’ve caught the scent of what friendship with God is all about. I find myself doing with God the same thing I do with my friends. Instead of stewing about the struggles and challenges before me I pray! I ask God for help and direction and what’s the next step and how can I best partner with You in Kingdom work today? I watch for the answers as we go through the day together. Sometimes He speaks through His Word, sometimes through a thought or picture, sometimes through an event or comment from a friend or stranger, and sometimes through a clear nudge toward a certain person or situation. I sense God’s pleasure when I obey and His nudge when I’m uncertain or afraid. I sense His delight when I take joy in the gifts He has given. I even felt Him gently laugh at my vanity one day … a sweet amusement that set me free from the need to look or act a certain way. There is purpose, joy, growth and intimacy in this best of all friendships.

In a few days I’ll be sixty years old. I surrendered my life to the Lord when I was seventeen and I’ve known of Him since my youngest days. But there is so much more to know and I feel like I’m just beginning to grasp how to hear His voice, how to know He is speaking to me, how to be in a face-to-face conversation with this amazing God who calls me His friend!

“Now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 8:32-25

Posted in Abiding | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

GLEANINGS from Claudia: 31 Months Later

Posted on July 27, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

I’ve felt for a while now that it is time to write another Gleanings. It is the end of July in 2013 and in five months we will come to the three year mark since our Becky died. I still miss her. WE still miss her. I think of her nearly every day, but now most often with quiet pleasure or sweet laughter. Even so, there are still those times when the wrongness of Becky not being with us wells up and goes deep.

We finished this year’s Grandmapa Camp on Sunday, July 8. The week of our camp contained so many delights. Shockingly, at least to me, one of the greatest delights was spending a couple of hours together in a nearby park as our photographer friend, Marci Bacho, took a combo of posed and candid family photos. Our daughters Kristin and Joni conspired together to purchase Marci’s services as a birthday present for me and Steve. They asked first because neither of us is super big on having pictures taken. And there is a back-story to this ‘family’ picture event. After Becky died and we began re-imagining our family without Becky’s earthly presence, we all came to the conclusion that there would never be family photos again. None of us could quite bear the thought of a picture that held an empty spot no matter how close together we stood. Then, much to our approving delight, Jacob remarried and things got even more complicated. If you have family pictures taken who do you include? In a very real way our family grew by leaps and bounds, and yet, in an equally real way on the Coon side it shrunk to include only Amity and Dara, our granddaughters from Becky and Jacob. Baffling. Should we send out an invitation … please check YES if you would like to be included in future Lee family pictures and NO if you prefer to remain who you always were before your mom\daughter\sister remarried. Complicated.

Grandmapa Camp solved that dilemma for us by the very nature of our time together. Kristin’s husband Christopher could not attend because his life is farming and mid-July is not a friendly time for a farmer to kiss his fields good-bye for a week. We had our two girls and the full spectrum of grandkids with us and that was it. Perfect – we took family pictures that show us, our girls, and the children of their love. Are the pictures missing people? Yes, but we love those missing people and consider them ‘ours’ even if they don’t appear in these frames. And the pictures? Oh, the pictures! What they show is a group of people thoroughly enjoying each other, having moments of laughter and fun and sweet savor. Living together for a week, deliberately focused on each other and doing things together that we all enjoy is so rich. I can see the work of our Lord ministering healing and renewed joy in each of us. I see what we are becoming as our loss births new people in each of us.

Kristin and Joni still miss Becky. The Three Musketeers are now the Dynamic Duo and the level of snorting, drink spewing hilarity that once marked their time together has been notched back a bit. But I see them both healing, loving their sister-hood, less vulnerable to unintentional hurt because of their raw, bleeding pain. I love seeing the two of them together and the depth of their love for one another. They have new wisdom in what they now know and it shows in the way they respond to other hurting people.

Amity and Dara still miss Becky. Amity has grown into an amazing and beautiful twelve year old young woman. She begins seventh grade this fall and she is into Band and Jazz Band and Track and she is beginning to feel like she can trust that this place is home. Amity and our grandson Patrick have a really special mutual admiration society going on that is such a joy to watch! A year ago Amity came to Grandmapa Camp, but with reservation and fear – she really didn’t want to be away from her home and Dad. This year she came full-bore excited to be with us! I give credit to God for healing and credit to her Dad and step-mother Cheryl for giving Amity and Dara that stable loving foundation that comes in a home where Dad and Mom love each other and are for each other. Praise You Lord! Dara is ten years old and still the very devoted, very family oriented girl who would have all those who belong to her live in a family commune if she could design her world. Grandmapa Camp fills her up and she struggles to re-adjust to life without us when camp is over. She is growing like a beautiful flower and enters fifth grade this fall. She is full of giggles and laughter and hard-headedness and was part of the inseparable twin that was DaraHelen during camp. At any time she will start asking questions and speaking freely of her Mom. She is an open book and unafraid of exploring that which happened in her life and what it means for her future. There was a time that eight year old Dara was going to go to Creighton and become a Pharmacist, but recently she confessed that she wasn’t so sure she wanted to do that anymore and that it was probably mostly about remembering her Mom. Pretty insightful for an almost eleven year old!

Helen and Patrick are a little removed from missing Becky … at least to the degree the rest of us do. Patrick was just too little to realize. Over the years he will know who Becky is and how she connects to his life because of pictures and stories his Mom tells, but he doesn’t share that real sense of loss the rest of us share. Helen is more aware and is sensitive to what this loss means to the rest of us. Every so often she comments about Becky … how Becky is in heaven or how she isn’t in the family pictures or other little things that make it clear that she knows and understands what it means to miss Becky. I appreciate her understanding of family and how it impacts her Mom and the rest of us that her Aunt Becky is in heaven. I also love her certainty that Becky IS in heaven. She seems to grasp that Becky is alive and simply in another location. I love that!

Steve and I still miss Becky. I see the shift from what our grief was in the beginning to what it is now. In the beginning our grief was a mountain. We couldn’t journey without seeing that mountain and trying to figure out how to navigate it. At first our energy level for moving forward was nearly non-existent. We could hardly make it through a day, let alone think of a lifetime that included somehow getting over, through or around our grief. Over time the mountain has leveled. What remains is Becky – our relationship with her, our love for her abides and we can more fully look to the day we will see her again. Grief still rises when sights, sounds, events or stories shared bring to us the longing to speak with her or touch her again, but generally the sorrow is fleeting and we go on planning and living and taking joy in the many rich blessings of our lives.

What about Jacob? I don’t see Jacob as much as I once did. I miss interacting with him, but I rejoice at the reasons. His life is full of Cheryl, his work, his kids and step-kids – he is busy doing life! I see healing in Jacob too – he is teaching Sunday School at church and seems to enjoy it. He and Cheryl took advantage of our Grandmapa Camp to spend a couple of days away together – hooray! I know he still hurts and wrestles with God around those hurts. And that wrestling is beautiful.

I recently saw a verse that speaks powerfully to the efficacy of intercessory prayer. Read Job 16 and you’ll see a man hurt and angry and wrestling with God. Job is in pain and he doesn’t understand what has happened to him or why it has happened. At Job 16:19-21 he appeals to his advocate in heaven … his intercessor. I know that intercessor standing at the throne of God as Jesus and I know so many intercessors standing at my side … my dear, praying friends. I praise God for our intercessors … both for Jesus, the One who sees, knows, cares, has been through that which we experience and knows exactly how to intercede on our behalf. I praise God for our friends who love us, and pray with their understanding and beyond their understanding through the Spirit within them! Praise Him for answered prayer and for acting on our ongoing prayers. My intercessor is my friend!

“Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend.” Job 16:19-21

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

GLEANINGS from Claudia – The Abiding Life: Eleventh Hour Love

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Gleanings from Claudia

“One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:39-43

I finally ‘got’ something today. Remember Jesus’ parable about the landowner looking for workers to come work in his vineyard? When he went to the marketplace he found men waiting to work and offered them a denarius for a day’s labor. Throughout that day, at the third, sixth, ninth and even the eleventh hour, this landowner went back to the market-place gathering workers for his vineyard. When it came time to pay these workers, he first paid those he had hired last and gave them a full denarius. And then he continued through his crew in reverse chronological order paying those who had worked the least hours first and giving them all the full denarius he had promised them. Those who had worked the longest and hardest were unhappy at being paid the same as those who had worked only an hour and complained. His response was simply;”’Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’” This whole story drips with the compassion and kindness of the landowner who was not only generous in payment, but generous in continuing to seek out those who needed what he had to give – worthwhile labor and the pay that comes from that. It also reeks of the self interest of the earliest workers. And I confess I’ve struggled because I enter most easily into the heart of those hard-working early workers. It doesn’t seem fair that they worked hard, long hours at some physical cost and yet received no extra praise for what they did. And these guys who came along late not only got the same pay, but got paid first. What is that about?

Good Friday showed me the truth behind this story as I again looked at Jesus on the cross. Jesus was crucified between two criminals, one hanging on a cross to his left and one to his right. The criminals responded to Jesus in a way that displays humanity’s response to Jesus; one with scorn and disbelief and one with hope and longing. What connected the dots for me is Jesus’ response to the hopeful plea of ‘Remember me’ from one of those criminals. This man had nothing to offer Jesus. He had no laundry list of good things he had done and no way to make promises about the good things he would do for Jesus. I don’t know if he even knew to repent, confess, and make Jesus Lord of his life. All he could do was call upon the love and mercy and compassion of the one who hung on the cross beside him, boldly asking to be remembered. And in an astounding response of love and mercy in the midst of the most last minute declaration of hope ever expressed, Jesus affirms his love for this ‘worthless’ man with the simple statement “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Thinking on this brings tears of joy. I don’t regret this man’s ‘easy’ entrance into the love of Jesus; into paradise. Instead I relish it. Jesus loves us sinful ones with a vast, rich, ever-seeking love. His death and resurrection call us to him. It is never too late. I’m blessed to have come to know Him early and to enjoy a life of loving him, obeying him, serving him … working in his vineyard. That is abundant compensation! And what a joy to know that even those in the eleventh hour are called and can respond and receive his love and mercy! Praise Him!

“Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” Psalms 36:5

Posted in Abiding | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment