GLEANINGS from Claudia: Following Jesus – Prequel #2

Posted on January 6, 2016 by Gleanings from Claudia

Following Jesus masthead

READ: Luke 1:5-25

Today I got stopped in the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth. In so many ways this is the story of an ordinary man and woman. Likely the story touches me so much because scripture says “…they were both well along in years.” A commentary I looked at suggests that this way of defining them means they were likely 60 years or older. Me too!

Zechariah was of the priestly tribe of Levi of the division of Abijah, the eighth division in a rotation of 24 divisions or groupings of priests. He and Elizabeth lived in the hill country of Judah, south of Jerusalem. When the time came for the division of Abijah to serve, Zechariah went to Jerusalem to live at the temple until that time was completed. There were about 18,000 priests living in Israel at the time. Of that 18,000, 50 priests were on duty every day with about 300 priests serving over the course of a week. Each day lots were utilized to discern who was to serve in each of four different capacities. On this day, the lot fell to Zechariah to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. This duty shows that he was the ‘officiating’ priest of that day. Many commentaries indicate that this particular duty fell to a priest only once in his lifetime. The incense that Zechariah burned on the altar of incense within the Holy Place represented the prayers of the people. As he went in to place the incense on the altar, the people stood outside praying “May the merciful God enter the Holy Place and accept with favor the offering of His people.” (Dr. Ralph F. Wilson, Jesuswalk.com)

Zechariah’s story goes on to detail an angelic visitation, the good news that “…your prayer has been heard.” And the prayer to be answered was that Elizabeth would bear him a son. Because of unbelief, Zechariah is struck dumb for the nine months that the child grows in Elizabeth’s womb. Only on the eighth day after John’s birth is Zechariah able to speak. His voice returns after he writes his belief to astonished observers “His name is John.” And when his voice awakens he fills the place with praise.

So much in this story stirs me. I’m in awe of God’s obvious and detailed planning for the coming of Jesus. I’m convicted and assured that God hears our prayers and doesn’t forget them. He stores them up to be answered in His time and for His purposes. There is no way that Zechariah went into the Holy Place praying for a son. That prayer was long done in him and Elizabeth. But God and His angel knew and remembered and “…your prayer has been heard.” I feel all of the prayers of all of the believers over all of time held in that moment. I intuitively know that God hears and God answers and that in Zechariah’s story all of creation paused pregnant with the soon to be born answer to our prayers.

John went into the Holy Place on behalf of the people of Israel. He received a very personal answer to a very personal prayer. But I think God was saying so much more in that answer. Your prayers are heard. The prayers of your people are heard. I see you; I regard you; I answer you. Believe!

Lord, open the fount of my prayers to You. Help me pray the old prayers, trusting that You hear and will answer in Your time in Your way. Help me to pray the new prayers, believing that You hear; You see; You care and You will answer. And open my mouth to fill this place with praise!

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: Following Jesus – The Prequel #1

Posted on January 6, 2016 by Gleanings from Claudia

Following Jesus masthead

During Suburban’s 2015 Christmas Choir presentation, I challenged those listening to take a look at how Jesus responded to living in a very dark time. I suggested doing so by spending some time in the Gospels following Jesus. For 2016 I accept my own challenge and follow Jesus through a chronological look at Jesus’ life in the Gospels.

READ: Luke 1:1-4; John 1:1-18; Matthew 1:1-17; Luke 3:23-28

As I read the passages listed above I was struck by God’s provision for us in the Gospels. That which we read gives us glimpses into heaven; knowledge of God’s working behind the scenes and through the ages, and a day to day story of the life and thinking of Jesus. Luke tells us that he wrote “…so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught. Luke 1:4” The Bible in general and the Gospels in specific reveal to us the heart and plans of God for man. The Old Testament points forward to the place and time of Jesus. The New Testament describes the historical life of Christ or points back to His teaching or forward to His second coming. It is all about Jesus!

The genealogies in Matthew and Luke can feel dead at first reading. Especially in our American culture, genealogy doesn’t mean what it did in Jewish culture. It can be a fun and interesting past time to ferret out our family tree and learn the stories of those who came before us, but it doesn’t often carry the promise of inheritance or the weight of kingdom purpose. For the Jews the lineage carried immense meaning. In Matthew’s genealogy we see the kingly line of David traced forward from Abraham to Joseph. There is proof here that Jesus is the promised one to come from David’s line. There is uncertainty about the genealogy in Luke. Is it through Mary’s line? Is it a ‘human’ genealogy rather than a ‘legal’ genealogy? In either case, once again this lineage points to the fact that Jesus is in the line of David. And this genealogy emphasizes Jesus as the Son of God; a son of God as we all are through Adam, but also the Son of God as shown in Luke 3:21-23.

When I read the genealogy and see the names I’m drawn to think about the individual lives and relationships represented. In some instances I know the stories. I am intrigued and blessed that Matthew includes the names of some of the women involved in the birth record. (Needless to say, many more women were involved too!) The women included have difficult pasts. Rahab was a harlot. Ruth was a Moabitess, an alien who at one time worshipped a god other than Jehovah. The ‘mother who had been Uriah’s wife’ was Bathsheba. Each of these women had lives that didn’t fit the neat picture of a devoted Jewish wife and mother, surrendered to the plans of Jehovah and quietly submitting to the perfect religiously ordered life. But God called them sometimes through awful circumstances. And as they followed Him in their God-interrupted lives, He used them for His purposes in the lineage of Christ.

And those quiet lives, the ones whose stories I don’t know, they speak to me too. I’m guessing that some of those living out a ‘normal’ life of growing and marrying and having babies had no clue there was anything special in what they were doing. Perhaps they longed to ‘find their calling’ in the Lord. Maybe they hoped to do something big for the God they followed. Or maybe they just lived out their lives loving and obeying God to the best of their understanding. But look how He worked in and through those life contributions.

I love it that John starts by giving us a glimpse at what was going on in heaven as Jesus came to live in flesh and show us the heart of God on earth. But I think I love it just a bit more that Matthew and Luke begin with people. People like us. People who lived and loved and married and had children and hoped in the God they served.

Lord, help me to live; just to live each day for You. Help me to trust Your purposes and to know that I may never see the true impact of my life until I can look at it with You, from Your perspective. May it be unto me as You say – I am Your handmaiden!

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – We Wait

Posted on December 9, 2015 by Gleanings from Claudia

Poised
between moments of time
we wait
again
for You

You came
one time
and darkness flinched
Your brilliance shining
oh, the hope
oh, the joy

You left
but remain
in us
give me Your eyes to see
Your brilliance shining
from me … from us
in darkness rising

Oh to see You
SPLIT THE SKY
I want to see what Peter knew
on the mountain
Majestic brilliance shining
the Light of the world

Weak today I cry
be Thou my vision
be Thou my strength
be Thou my life
be Thou my light
shine for me … through me
until the day
You come

Come quickly Mighty King
and today
fill my waiting life
light me
for Your glory

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: Happy Birthday Becky #5

Posted on December 7, 2015 by Gleanings from Claudia

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.” Isaiah 9:2

 Hi Becky and happy birthday!

Today within the halls of time and the hearts of those who love you, you turn 37 years old. With every year that passes I’m just a bit more envious of your new life. I miss you so much, but honestly, you dwell where I want to dwell. You see Jesus face-to-face; you KNOW the things I’m hoping for in faith. I’m so happy for you.

I come to your birthday this year so double-minded. There is SO much blessing. The kind of blessing that makes it baffling to think of going back in time and restoring your life to change today. It tears at my heart to say that, but the reality is strong.

The girls are doing well. Amity is ALMOST FIFTEEN. Over this year we’ve done some driver’s training stuff in the church parking lot. She is a careful driver, a good driver. I have no fear for the day she will be on her own, driving a car to and from all of her activities. By the way, that might be MY car she is driving. She loves the grandma-mobile and has made it clear that if we are ready to part with it when she is ready to buy, she is interested. She will find a formidable bargainer in her Grandpa, although his talk is much tougher than he is, especially when it comes to his grandchildren. Amity is in track and cross-country and she loves her band opportunities. One of her early Christmas presents this year was Amity and I going to the Majestic Theater to hear the Portland Cello Project. I can’t even explain to you what it meant to me to be sitting with someone so like-minded about music! Amity and I are kindred spirits when it comes to music and especially cello. My hope and prayer is that someday she will have the opportunity to try out this instrument that calls to us both!

Dara just turned THIRTEEN. She is coming into her own, sticking with her long-term interest in drama and singing. She is an extreme extrovert and realizing that about her has been an eye-opener for an introvert Grandma. She loves people, especially HER people, and she would gather us all to her permanently if she could. I so appreciate her drive to connect and wonder how God wants to use that for His purposes. Shhhh – she doesn’t know this yet, but in just a couple of weeks her early Christmas present will be a matinee with me to see “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” at the Majestic Theater. I can SO see Dara starring in this show someday! It makes me smile to think of it and I know she will be thrilled with this time together. Next week on Monday or Tuesday Dara will audition for a role in the middle school presentation of “The Lion King.” She wants the role of Timon and I can SO see her in that role! I’m praying for her to present herself and her talents well and to have the discipline and flexibility that makes an actress easy to work with. I’m hoping her inner Timon is evident to those doing the casting! 🙂

Jacob seems happy. He seems at peace enough that his outlook has shifted to, well, an outlook! He is looking at life and considering options and once again aware of his ability to impact others. He has been teaching Sunday School and he allowed the Lord to use his gifts to speak at the Fall College Retreat this year. He shared his outline with me and it was such good, solid teaching. I don’t have opportunity to sit and talk with him one-on-one much anymore, but in a way even that is a good thing! He is busy, I am busy, we both are about the Lord’s business in our lives and I praise Him for that! I’m thankful for Cheryl and all that she has meant to Jacob and the girls. And I’m thankful for what they have meant in her life.

So, would I bring you back if I could? Yes. YES. YES! I miss you so much and I can’t help but think about what could be happening – even today! If at all possible, today we would have brisket and strawberry cake together and play cards and laugh and bless the day of your birth. Although maybe not because, you know, LIFE! Where would you be? What would you be doing? Your life had a different trajectory that could have had you anywhere doing anything in the world of Pharmaceutical medicine. My dreams are likely just little illusions that wouldn’t be in any case. And honestly, the world is a darker place today than it was such a short time ago when you left. You dwell in light. You dwell with THE LIGHT! It would be incredibly selfish of me to bring you back.

I love you and I can’t wait to see you again! Mom

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GLEANINGS From Claudia: A Final Gleaning on Grief

Posted on April 6, 2015 by Gleanings from Claudia

I have thought for a while that it might be time to close the grief portion of the ‘Gleanings From Claudia’ blog. It is a bit of a conundrum to think about because closing the grief portion of the blog seems to send a message that grief is done. It isn’t. It never will be done until the day I step into eternity. But there is discernible change in the grief, and that is truth for others too.

Powerful grief still surfaces at times and catches me by surprise. But those breaches are much rarer now than even a year ago. Yesterday Steve, Joni and I enjoyed an Easter lunch with Jake and Cheryl and their broader family. I found myself surreptitiously peeking at the urn with Becky’s cremains that rests on a ledge high above the kitchen. At first glance my eye couldn’t find it and sorrow rose and I thought “where have they taken her?” But then I saw the urn, standing where it always does, and my heart eased a bit. Why in the world is the urn important to me? I don’t even know. I wrestled long ago with not having a place to go and leave flowers or pay respects.  I threw down the need to know that Becky’s name is engraved somewhere in stone to be seen and remembered and pondered over long after I am gone. I really thought I got over that and fully rested in the fact that cremains are not Becky and a place with her name means nothing in the face of her vibrant life in eternity. Our God knows her name and will never forget it – it is engraved on His hand and celebrated in heaven. But yesterday that brief moment of grief-panic made me realize the wrestle isn’t quite done yet. And grief lives on.

BUT there is so much that isn’t grief! The girls are doing great. Growing up, very clearly young women now, Amity is 14 years of age and Dara is 12 years old. This is crazy talk in my head – they CAN’T be this old, and yet they so clearly are! The picture Joni took of them on Easter is so revealing of who they are – Amity is a thinker and introvert who also loves people and helping others. Dara is a total extrovert and cut-up who loves people and parties and being in the middle of it all. They each have aspects of Becky in them and yet they are very much their own people. They still miss their Mom and are growing in their ability to think about that missing, but at the heart of it they are very normal adolescent young women figuring out life. And it is good.

Amity and Dara Easter 2015

Jacob is a blessing! He is going to school; something he dreamed of doing after Becky finished her degree that was put away after she died. The dream has been resurrected and he is schooling online and enjoying it. He also begins teaching a Sunday School class at our church this next weekend. He has done this a couple of times now, and I see his eagerness to be back in this role and engaged in the discussion of ideas that will come from it. He and Cheryl have a sound marriage and are a comfort and encouragement to one another. They both work at it, just like Steve and I work at our marriage, and it is good. It would be easy to see Cheryl as God’s lifeline to Jacob, but I see something different. God has given them to each other – mutual lifelines perhaps? The sparks of joy and enjoyment I see in them say a lot. I am thankful for the family they have become – a much bigger family than either of them ever dreamed, but rich in blessing and activity!

Joni and Kristin also wear the new normal more easily now. They so clearly miss their sister and yet they’ve developed a new and deeper enjoyment of one another. Perhaps this is about cherishing what was once taken a bit for granted when they were the three musketeers. Our family is heading to Oklahoma in early June to spend some time with the Lee clan there. Us old people are flying, but Kristin, Joni and the kids are doing an epic road trip. Their excitement about this trip is palpable – they cannot wait to begin! It really isn’t about the hours in the car, or eating at diners and dives, or about the wonders of sleeping in motels – it is about relationship. The trip will bank many hours together that will feed their love for one another in ways we don’t even yet know. Life is good.

Steve and I are also both doing well. There was a time when our grief presented as an inability to think about tomorrow. There was no energy for it, no heart to look forward to years of missing Becky. We still miss her and will always know the empty Becky-shaped place in our lives. But we are looking forward. We are planning and processing and praying into what is next for us and it feels good! I think I can say for both of us that losing Becky has deepened our heart for others. When grief visits others, even those we don’t know, we feel for them. There is no casual, ‘oh, that’s too bad,’ rather we pray with knowledge and stand ready to help whenever that opportunity is present.

If you are reading this and standing at the start of your grief journey, know that what feels today like it will end your life, will not. At times you may wish for that end because the pain and longing are simply too much. Hang on. Time will cut the edge of your grief and bring you to sweet memories sometimes interrupted with deep pain, instead of the opposite where you likely now dwell. God is good and He has created us with an endurance that is unimaginably strong. And along with that endurance He gives the hope that a day will come when there will be no more sorrow and no more tears. I trusted His promises in the beginning of grief and I’ve tested His promises in the days since. I can say to you with knowledge and understanding, “Our God is faithful! You can trust Him.”

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalms 27:13-14

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4

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GLEANINGS From Claudia: Alive! Forever Alive!

Posted on April 4, 2015 by Gleanings from Claudia

“For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 1:15-2:10

I have mentioned before in these Gleanings that Resurrection Sunday feels like a ‘thin’ place to me – a place where eternity and time kiss and the dividing line between now and forever fades. Tomorrow when I sing songs of high praise and worship for our risen King I know that I sing with those who’ve passed from this time-bound life into fullness of life. I sing and worship with a choir that consists of every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them. We sing praise to the Lamb that looks as if it has been slain, to the Spirit of God, and to the One who sits on the throne. I never feel more the reality of Becky’s continued life than I do on this day. I know she stands beside me and sings His praises!

Ephesians tells me that this moment now I am raised up and seated with Christ in the heavenly realms. The same incomparably great power that Father God exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in those heavenly realms is at work this very moment raising me up and giving me life and purpose through his immense grace. Colossians tells us of Jesus that “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”

Think of it. The fullness of God dwells in Jesus. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. I am part of that body, part of the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. Becky is part of that body, part of the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. My friend Melanie’s Nana is part of that body, part of the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. And tomorrow, and every time we gather to worship, or choose to serve in those good works that God prepared in advance for us to do, or extend the good news and grace of God to another one who is trapped in disobedience, we live out our gift and calling as part of that body, part of the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. He is alive! He is alive, indeed! And in Him we are alive! We are alive, indeed!

“Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: ‘To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power,  for ever and ever!’” Rev 5:13

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – Who Do You Trust?

Posted on September 27, 2014 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’ Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. And when God had me wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.” ‘” Genesis 20:11-13

Lately God has been schooling me in love. It’s something I asked Him for a while back and I’m blessed by the way He is answering. Earlier this week He opened up Genesis 20 to me in a deeper way. This is the story of Abraham’s travels into the Negev where he settled for a while in Gerar. At the time that Abraham and Sarah came to Gerar they had been on the move for close to 25 years. According to Genesis chapter 18 Sarah was old and past her childbearing years. But evidently she was still a knock-out and when Abimelech saw her and found out that she was sister to the man Abraham he sent for her and took her as his wife.

There is so much in this story that appalls me and so much that completely builds my faith. I’m appalled by what Abraham asked of Sarah. Abraham must have heard tales of men being killed by those who coveted their beautiful wives, because when God had him wander from his father’s household he asked Sarah to prove her love for him by telling everyone they met “He is my brother.” Do you realize what that must have meant to Sarah? This incident in Gerar happened 24 years after they left Abraham’s father’s home in Haran. For 24 years Sarah had been telling those she met that she was Abraham’s sister. This incident in Gerar is the second time Sarah is carried off to be someone’s wife. The first time was a few years earlier when they lived for a time in Egypt and Pharaoh took Sarah to his home. As with Abimelech in Gerar, it appears that Abraham just stood by and lets this happen. God however, comes to Sarah’s rescue assailing Pharaoh and his household with diseases for Sarah’s sake.

I’m imagining what this half truth meant to Sarah. At times Abraham and Sarah settled in a place for a while – as they did in Egypt. Sarah must have lived as Abraham’s sister so as not to arouse the suspicions of her neighbors. Her true identity, her true status as wife of this man of growing influence and wealth was denied her. And think of Sarah’s heart. Abraham knew her well and knew that she loved him deeply. It was that very love coupled with fear, both his own and Sarah’s, that he called upon to convince her to enter into this half truth with him. Twenty four years of being treated like a sister, twenty four years of half truths, twenty four years of no child, twenty four long, sad half filled years.

God’s intervention on Sarah’s behalf saves this story for me. God saw Abimelech’s heart and knew that he was acting in innocence when he took Sarah. He was acting from a pure heart in a culturally appropriate way assuming that Sarah was indeed Abraham’s sister – even she said so! But God couldn’t stand by and let this go. He spoke truth with great clarity and threatened death for Abimelech and his household if Sarah wasn’t returned to her home and husband. And Abimelech responded in obedience, a move that proves to me the righteousness of his heart. In fact, other than God, Abimelech is the one I most respect in this story. His response to God’s revelation is immediate and heartfelt. And I so appreciate the way he treats Sarah. He makes a great point of speaking to her face-to-face and telling her that he gave 1,000 shekels of silver to ‘her brother’ to cover the offense against her before all who were with her – he fully vindicated her.

Sarah is established in her true identity by the God who gave her that identity. Once all has been set right and Abraham and Sarah are reunited as man and wife, God opens the wombs of Pharaoh’s wife and of all his household, wombs that had been closed by God on Sarah’s behalf. And guess what else He does? The very next line of scripture says “Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised.” Twenty five years after leaving Haran Abraham and Sarah have a son … and a marriage.

There is SO much in this story. Abraham and Sarah are just like us – fearful and faithless, devising their own plans to maintain safety, prove love and cause the promise of God to come. Their plans are ridiculous in the clarity of a backward glance and caused many years of sorrow and living in the prison of a lie. But God saw Abraham and Sarah; He knew them and He acted toward them in light of their true identities. When God confronted Abimelech about Sarah He directed him to go to Abraham and Abraham would pray for him and he would live because “he is a prophet.” By this point in the story I’m so angry at Abraham that I can think of many things to call him and prophet would not be one of them. But God sees the truth and loves Abraham and the promise He’s given enough to be patient and encourage that true identity to emerge.

And God loves Sarah. He protects her and he makes known her status as a married woman, the woman married to the prophet. He shows how much he values her as through Abimelech He pours out gifts galore on Abraham because of Sarah, gives them permission to live safely anywhere in his land, and gives them 1,000 shekels of silver – kind of a backwards bride price!

I’m blessed with a great husband, but I see in this story that my primary love needs to be directed to the Lord! He is the One I can trust to know my true identity and my husband’s true identity. He’s the One I can trust to love me and my spouse into the persons He created us to be. He’s the one who calls us to marriage, establishes our household and then blesses others through us. All praise to the God of Abraham and Sarah  — and of Steve and Claudia!

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – A Legacy of Worship: Hannah’s Heart part 3

Posted on July 18, 2014 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on a chair by the doorpost of the LORD’s temple. In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. And she made a vow, saying, “O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” 1 Samuel 1:9-11

Every year pressed grief deeper into Hannah’s heart. Most of the time she kept it locked inside working hard at the bland, happy face the world saw. Today was no exception. Hannah sat at the sacrificial meal in the place of favor nearest Elkanah. Again she stoically received a double portion of meat, meat that she could hardly touch. Sweet Elkanah’s misguided attempt to soothe the pain of her infertility and show the depth of his love instead brought her inadequacy and emptiness into stark focus. Another humiliation stuffed into her heart. Peninnah’s glare did nothing to soothe this. And the cycle of hurt continued as Peninnah responded by stepping up comments like “how good you children are at the table!” and “how like you our eldest looks and acts dear Elkanah – I couldn’t be prouder!”

Hannah disappeared into herself. Bodily present at the table, the heart of Hannah was locked away drowning in a pit of grief and sorrow that simply couldn’t be expressed in this place, at this time.

Finally, mercifully, the interminable meal ended. The ceremonial and social constraints of the sacrifice acted as emotional constraints as well because to Hannah’s dismay as it ended everything began to rise in her. Mouth watering nausea swept over her and the little bit of food she’d consumed threatened to come back up. She closed her eyes trying to get a grip and tears pressed against her lids ready to spill against her will. Hannah stood and unceremoniously left the table. She was done. She heard and saw nothing else as she stumbled the distance to the opening of the tabernacle of the Lord. She didn’t even see Eli, the priest of the Lord, sitting on a chair by the doorpost of the tabernacle.

Hannah fell against the opposite doorpost of the tabernacle and it was as if a dam burst. She stood there and rocked back and forth, tears streaming as she prayed the bitterness of her soul before the Lord. She groaned and rocked and sensed the very spirit breaking through and incoherently speaking forth her pain to the Lord. There were no words for what she felt and though her lips moved no sound came, only the bitter tears. Finally, into her spirit came the deepest, purest vow of her heart before the Lord, “O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

Eli watched Hannah’s moving lips and groaning sounds with growing reproach and finally burst out “How long will you keep on getting drunk woman? Get rid of your wine!” Startled, impulsively, yet with downcast eyes, Hannah revealed her true heart to Eli, “Not so, my lord, I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

Eli softened in light of her deep pain, a pain he had sensed year after year. He prayed earnestly over her “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” Such a simple prayer; a sweet blessing it washed warm over Hannah lightening her heart. Hannah raised her eyes to see Eli and then lifted them to the Lord adding her earnest desire to his prayer “May your servant find favor in your eyes.”

Strange how this complete and unashamed expression of her dependency upon God coupled with the blessing of God’s priestly servant on earth lifted her. A sense of peace covered Hannah and she went back to Elkanah and the table and all it involved. Her hunger stirred and she ate and was fully present to God and family for the first time in years. She knew God saw, heard, and cared.

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – Hannah – Part 1

Posted on July 16, 2014 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the LORD Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the LORD. Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb. And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her.” 1 Samuel 1:3-7

It was the children’s voices that did it. Hannah had determined that she would come before the Lord this year in focused worship, walking in joy to the place of sacrifice. She would accept her lot in life and rejoice in her blessings. After all, God had given her Elkanah. Elkanah proved to her over and over that he loved her first and best of his two wives. She blushed to think of the double portion of the sacrificial meat that year after year he placed before her – and in the presence of Peninnah and Peninnah’s children. Oh how she wanted his love to be enough. She despised her own heart for the grief it brought to Elkanah when he found her deep in tears and mourning over her empty womb. She would never forget his poignant question last year after he placed the double portion before her and she dissolved into sobs – “Hannah why do you weep? Why won’t you eat? Why is your heart breaking to pieces? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” Grief upon grief.

Those voices. She delighted in the sounds of the children as they played and squabbled and sang songs of praise on the day long journey to Shiloh. They ran freely between her and Peninnah, telling tales and asking questions or eager to show her a flower or a rock. “Aunt Hannah, Aunt Hannah, look what I found!” echoed often through the hills that marked their upward trek to the place of sacrifice. But inevitably another voice echoed as Peninnah poked and prodded at Hannah’s heart provoking anger and deep pain. “Children, children – leave Aunt Hannah alone! She doesn’t need the five of you to interrupt her peace and quiet! She’s not used to dealing with so many children – leave her to her worship! Perhaps your father would like to see that flower!” Peninnah’s words cut into her like the thorns just off the path cut into the children’s feet when they strayed. They festered and dug deep birthing more pain.

Hannah thought back to when Peninnah came to the home that she and Elkanah had so recently established. She couldn’t help but think of all of the family stories told about the men of God who had married many wives. Even from Elkanah’s tribe of Ephraim, the son of Joseph, who was the son of Jacob there were stories of the joys and sorrows and rivalries in families with multiple wives in the household. At first Peninnah lived in such a way as to overcome Hannah’s doubt. She truly was a pearl of great beauty like her name implied and nestled into the family endearing herself to Hannah. Hannah even found it in herself to rejoice when Peninnah first became pregnant, keeping her tears and sorrows to herself. Newborn this first little boy was brought to Elkanah as Hannah stood by watching. The delight and love on his face as he gazed at this little one pierced Hannah’s heart. Elkanah turned to Hannah with this full-faced joy before she could settle a smile on her own face. In that brief moment he saw the depth of her pain and his tender heart for her responded by stepping up his demonstrations of love. Peninnah’s disappointment in remaining in ‘second wife’ status even though she had met the greatest need of both Elkanah and the tribe of Ephraim by producing an heir was acted out daily in resentment and anger that defined her relationship with Hannah. Peninnah, irritated and hurt by the love of Elkanah for Hannah in turn irritated and hurt Hannah until to Hannah her closed womb seemed the only thing that mattered in life.

And so Hannah prayed and waited and tried to trust the Lord. Hannah knew that the Lord closed and opened the womb. Hannah knew that the Lord had purposes she could not discern. As his tiny infant daughter lay on his knees, Hannah’s father was the one who named her, a name which meant favored. And she was favored – favored with beauty, favored with a winning disposition, favored with a deep love of her Lord and now favored with a husband who clearly loved her. Why, oh why, did all of that blessing and these wonderful gifts feel like ashes in the fire of her infertility? Again, stubbornly, Hannah swallowed her tears and prayed a prayer of submission. “I will trust You Lord, I will rejoice in blessings from Your hand. I am Your handmaiden, be it unto me as You chose.”

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GLEANINGS from Claudia: The Abiding Life – A Legacy of Worship

Posted on July 14, 2014 by Gleanings from Claudia

“When they had slaughtered the bull, they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him, “As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.” 1 Samuel 1:25-28

I’ve been blessed to co-facilitate a Bible Study for a couple of weeks this summer. Group summer studies are a challenge in Corvallis. Winters here tend to be long and wet so when our glorious summers come we take to the outdoors every chance we get. Finding leaders who are consistently available and a consistent group of students is nearly impossible!

This year our Women’s Ministry decided to try summer session Bible Studies that are stand-alone sessions with little or no study required. On Wednesday nights a group of women consider some of the great questions of  Christian faith and doctrine. Every Wednesday they are given the question for the next week and spend whatever time they have preparing for the next gathering. I have not been able to attend this study, but I understand it has been a blessing and I love the topics they have discussed!

The other summer session is using Lifeway’s material “Bible Study by Demand”. Each video teaching session stands alone and highlights the teaching of one of the excellent women Bible teachers under Lifeway’s label. There is a listening guide to help as we hear the teaching and then we discuss the lesson together as a large group and in smaller table groups. We’ve had only one week so far and it was a delight! Tomorrow night we listen to Priscilla Shirer teach on “Wholehearted Worship” from her “He Speaks to Me” series.

Priscilla briefly focuses on Samuel as a wholehearted worshiper of God as she continues unpacking what that looks like in our lives. But this brief focus caused me to go back to 1st Samuel 3 and take a look at what scripture says about Samuel. This also caused me to look at the legacy that produced such a man. What I’ve seen has been both encouraging and convicting. I’ve seen the battered heart of an infertile woman wholeheartedly seeking and worshiping God in the midst of her pain. I’ve seen this same woman continue her wholehearted worship after God answers her seemingly impossible prayer with a son that she then freely releases into the care and tutelage of a man whose own sons are unholy terrors. And I’ve seen that legacy of wholehearted, fearless worship continued in that blessed son.

Over the next couple of weeks I’ll post a few observations about Hannah and Samuel and wholehearted worship of our great God! I hope you join me!

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