GLEANINGS from Claudia: Happy Birthday Becky #5

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.” Isaiah 9:2

 Hi Becky and happy birthday!

Today within the halls of time and the hearts of those who love you, you turn 37 years old. With every year that passes I’m just a bit more envious of your new life. I miss you so much, but honestly, you dwell where I want to dwell. You see Jesus face-to-face; you KNOW the things I’m hoping for in faith. I’m so happy for you.

I come to your birthday this year so double-minded. There is SO much blessing. The kind of blessing that makes it baffling to think of going back in time and restoring your life to change today. It tears at my heart to say that, but the reality is strong.

The girls are doing well. Amity is ALMOST FIFTEEN. Over this year we’ve done some driver’s training stuff in the church parking lot. She is a careful driver, a good driver. I have no fear for the day she will be on her own, driving a car to and from all of her activities. By the way, that might be MY car she is driving. She loves the grandma-mobile and has made it clear that if we are ready to part with it when she is ready to buy, she is interested. She will find a formidable bargainer in her Grandpa, although his talk is much tougher than he is, especially when it comes to his grandchildren. Amity is in track and cross-country and she loves her band opportunities. One of her early Christmas presents this year was Amity and I going to the Majestic Theater to hear the Portland Cello Project. I can’t even explain to you what it meant to me to be sitting with someone so like-minded about music! Amity and I are kindred spirits when it comes to music and especially cello. My hope and prayer is that someday she will have the opportunity to try out this instrument that calls to us both!

Dara just turned THIRTEEN. She is coming into her own, sticking with her long-term interest in drama and singing. She is an extreme extrovert and realizing that about her has been an eye-opener for an introvert Grandma. She loves people, especially HER people, and she would gather us all to her permanently if she could. I so appreciate her drive to connect and wonder how God wants to use that for His purposes. Shhhh – she doesn’t know this yet, but in just a couple of weeks her early Christmas present will be a matinee with me to see “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” at the Majestic Theater. I can SO see Dara starring in this show someday! It makes me smile to think of it and I know she will be thrilled with this time together. Next week on Monday or Tuesday Dara will audition for a role in the middle school presentation of “The Lion King.” She wants the role of Timon and I can SO see her in that role! I’m praying for her to present herself and her talents well and to have the discipline and flexibility that makes an actress easy to work with. I’m hoping her inner Timon is evident to those doing the casting! 🙂

Jacob seems happy. He seems at peace enough that his outlook has shifted to, well, an outlook! He is looking at life and considering options and once again aware of his ability to impact others. He has been teaching Sunday School and he allowed the Lord to use his gifts to speak at the Fall College Retreat this year. He shared his outline with me and it was such good, solid teaching. I don’t have opportunity to sit and talk with him one-on-one much anymore, but in a way even that is a good thing! He is busy, I am busy, we both are about the Lord’s business in our lives and I praise Him for that! I’m thankful for Cheryl and all that she has meant to Jacob and the girls. And I’m thankful for what they have meant in her life.

So, would I bring you back if I could? Yes. YES. YES! I miss you so much and I can’t help but think about what could be happening – even today! If at all possible, today we would have brisket and strawberry cake together and play cards and laugh and bless the day of your birth. Although maybe not because, you know, LIFE! Where would you be? What would you be doing? Your life had a different trajectory that could have had you anywhere doing anything in the world of Pharmaceutical medicine. My dreams are likely just little illusions that wouldn’t be in any case. And honestly, the world is a darker place today than it was such a short time ago when you left. You dwell in light. You dwell with THE LIGHT! It would be incredibly selfish of me to bring you back.

I love you and I can’t wait to see you again! Mom

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About Gleanings from Claudia

I am a wife, mother, grandmother,sister, and friend newly introduced to grief as I lost my 32 year old daughter in an auto accident in December 2010. I am a follower of Jesus and am journeying through grief while abiding in Christ.
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7 Responses to GLEANINGS from Claudia: Happy Birthday Becky #5

  1. As I write this, I am giving a final exam in the nursing chemistry class Becky took from me in 2005. During that semester, she realized (and I hope I helped a little) that she had a real talent for science, and she set her sights a little higher than they had been before–on pharmacy. I sit and look at the talented folks in this room taking their exams and think of Becky doing the same thing ten years ago, and of what goodness and light she brought into the lives of the folks whose lives she passed through, including my own. Even after she moved away, we remained in touch. Once, when I was feeling down, she sent me a Willow Tree angel, which remains prominently displayed in my office today, and seeing it and thinking of Becky still helps me when I feel down. Claudia, I took joy in reading your remembrance, and in how well her family is doing. Thank you for sharing with us.

    • Michael, I remember your kindness right after Becky died. Thank you for taking time to comment on this post. Your thoughts bring fresh tears, but also fresh joy at the impact Becky had on others. Thank you for being part of her growth in understanding the amazing gifts God placed in her. I’m so glad her life continues to encourage you! Have a blessed Christmas. Thank you for the simple gift of remembering Becky. 🙂

  2. Donna Anderson says:

    Oh Claudia, Thank you so much for sharing your mother-heart. May God bless you as you are gramma to Becky’s precious girls. Love, Donna

    P.S. The Christmas Choir was such a blessing and your passion for music and the Lord were so evident.

  3. jcrice3 says:

    Claufia, you are so amazing.  You have such a gift.  I wish everyone, especially non-believers,  could read your post and see how you’ve so sweetly handled the death of your dear daughter.  God gave you the GRACE to be the way you are in your understanding of your loss.  If only the rest of us could show your marvelous strength.   It brings tears of joy to my eyes to know you.  Believe me, that is one of the most touching prayers (letter) I have ever read.  God Bless You for sharing.  Love, Carol Rice 

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE smartphone

  4. Jean Ira says:

    Thank you for sharing your heart, thoughts and letter with us, Claudia. Know that many continue to pray for you, Steve and family. That is because God cares and loves you so much! Jean Ira

  5. Amelie says:

    I never met Becky but I feel like I’m getting to know her through you and Joni. Thank you for sharing your heart to her in his letter. My prayers are with all of you. This verse comforted me today, as I hope it does for you as miss your Becky during this season of birthdays and coming up to the anniversary of loss. Is. 26: 3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts you.”

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