Grief – “What’s Next Papa?”

Posted on April 23, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison  who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built.”  1 Peter 3:18-20

Saturday of Holy Week.  I think of Jesus’ disciples and I remember our day after Becky died.  It was a day of somber activity for us as the family gathered together at Jacob and Becky’s home in Rosalia. We were all in a state of complete shock, trying to get our heads and hearts around what had happened.  We were struggling to be focused enough to help Jacob begin to move toward planning Becky’s memorial service and burial.

On that day after death two thousand years ago, the disciples were scattered.  They must have also been in shock.  This man Jesus had completely rocked their worlds.  They had left homes and jobs and a normal life to follow him and learn from him.  This man whose activities had marked their lives had just been violently punished as an enemy of the Jewish state.  Jesus and his followers were on the Roman ‘terrorist’ watch list.  Everything these men had given their lives to was gone, ripped away from them and an unfathomable and threatening new life was hanging over them.

And what about Jesus?  On this Saturday after he was crucified was he in limbo?  Laying dead in a grave?  Awaiting the resurrection power to kick in and raise him back to life?  We certainly don’t know much about the time that Jesus body lay in the grave, but commentators believe that the passage in 1st Peter that speaks of Jesus preaching to the spirits in prison is referring to the activity of Jesus during that period of time.  This resonates with my heart.  Jesus, even though pronounced dead and buried, was actively at work accomplishing his mission.  Jesus was powerfully alive even when his body was dead! 

I find this very small picture into Jesus death a comfort when I think of Becky’s death.  Even while our lives were in chaos over her death, Becky had entered into her eternal home and purpose.  Resurrection power doesn’t wait until the third day to engage.  Resurrection power is today, on the day of our death, and for everyday into eternity.  I see Becky stepping from her accident into the presence of God to say “what’s next Papa?”  Praise God from whom all life, all power, all purpose flows!

From The Message:  “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”  God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us — an unbelievable inheritance!” Romans 8:15-17

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Grief – Jesus Chose Death

Posted on April 22, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.  After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light [of life] and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities. Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,  and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.” Isaiah 53:10-12

Last night we watched “The Passion of the Christ”.  It was the second time Steve and I watched it and the first time for Joni.  Becky made a point of watching a movie of Jesus’ life every year.  For many years it was “Jesus of Nazareth”, but after “The Passion” came out that was the movie she watched annually.  I can’t watch it that often.  The movie depicts the brutality of Jesus’ death with such reality and power that it can make me physically ill if I pay full attention to it.  Seeing the movie and contemplating again what Jesus went through for us fills me with emotion.  So many random thoughts. . .

  • “Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer . . .” – how could Jesus ever face that death?  Why didn’t He die of fear in the Garden of Gethsemane as He agonized over what was coming?  Becky’s death was violent and physically traumatic, but she didn’t know it was coming and she didn’t have to choose to go through it.  It just was.  She was unconscious from shortly after the impact and didn’t awaken again.  Her death was relatively peaceful.  But Jesus chose to allow and experience incredible injustice, oppression, violence, and torture.  It is as if all of the sin of the world for all time was acted out in the execution of his death.  How did he choose this?
  • “. . . the LORD makes his life a guilt offering . . .” – what a statement.  Father God also made this choice to allow his son to die.  He watched as puny little men tortured and abused his son. Wow. I confess that whenever I hear about an abused child my first instinct is to rage against those who perpetrate that crime.  I want them dead.  I’m powerless to accomplish that and as I pray a cooler head prevails and I turn that anger toward Satan, the one who inspires these horrible sins. But Father God is not powerless except by choice.
  • “. . . and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand” – such an intriguing and promising statement.  Jesus’ obedience to this death that he and Father God purposed resulted in prosperity.  On one hand that prosperity could be the ‘success’ of the plan, but I also see it as the bounty that comes with salvation.  The fruit of this hard obedience is LIFE for you and me and all who hear and follow Jesus, the one who is the resurrection and the life. We are the prosperity of God and Christ.
  • “. . . for he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors . . .” – even from the cross he interceded for the transgressors.  Even on the cross he bore my sin and interceded for me. 

“What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all — how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns?  Christ Jesus, who died — more than that, who was raised to life — is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  . . . No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:31-39

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Grief – Our God Sees and Cares

Posted on April 20, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” John 11:33-34

 “Jesus wept.”  John 11:35

 “Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb.” John 11:38

 John 11 tells the amazing story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  There is so much in this story that brings me comfort.  Jesus dearly loved his friends Martha, Mary, and Lazarus.  He was away when he heard the news that Lazarus was ill, but he didn’t rush to their home, instead very deliberately staying right where he was.  He waited to go until, by Jewish beliefs, there was no hope to resuscitate Lazarus because he had been in the grave more than three days.  When he does arrive he makes it very clear that he IS the resurrection and the life.  He brings Lazarus back from the dead demonstrating that what he says is true – that he has the power to do just what he says he will.  I love this picture of Jesus loving deeply, of Jesus in control, of God in flesh ministering to the people that he loves.

Another aspect of this story speaks volumes to my hurting heart. Jesus didn’t act as an unemotional god, completely unengaged with the reality of the people crying to him. John 11 reveals Jesus as deeply emotional.  Several times the scripture points out that Jesus loved this family. Jesus weeps openly with them.  In addition scripture says that he is deeply moved and troubled. There is a single Greek word that is translated ‘deeply moved’ and means “to snort with anger; to have indignation on, to blame, to sigh with chagrin, to sternly enjoin.” Commentators have various thoughts about what is going on in Jesus’ heart at these points, but agree that there is a sense of anger conveyed by this word.  I will always remember a profound rage at Becky’s death.  This wasn’t anger at God, but rather anger at death.  I’ve solidly known from the beginning of this journey that she lives and that death has simply moved her to another phase of life.  Death is a short timer doomed to die eternally upon the restoration of all things at Christ’s second coming.  Death is the black hole of pain and worthy to die.  The word translated ‘deeply moved’ so seems to define the anger that I felt – death is NOT the victor – this pain I know need not be!  I can’t know if this emotion of mine is what Jesus felt, but I feel validated in my emotion knowing that Jesus too was moved to deep feeling at the death of his beloved friend and at the pain of this family.

We do not serve a distant, unfeeling, uncaring, manipulative God.  We serve a God who sees, feels, knows the pain with which we struggle and who is the resurrection and the life!  He is so worthy of our praise!!!

“The LORD said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey. . .”   Exodus 3:7-8

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Grief – The Importance of Relationship

Posted on April 19, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“ It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.”   John 13:1

 “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”  John 17:25-26

 When Becky died it was an incredibly sudden, completely unexpected, unfathomable event.  Our family had just spent four wonderful days together celebrating the birth of Jesus and thoroughly enjoying one another.  Becky went home from our celebration to her busy life of loving Jacob, Amity and Dara and stepping into the sixth rotation of her year of eight Pharmacy rotations.  None of us had any inkling that our time together was our last time together as a family – we couldn’t know the import of those last days.  By the grace of God our final days together were sweet and full of the acknowledgement of how important we are to each other’s lives.  It was a time devoted to each other and to enjoying a foundational celebration of our faith.

 As we approach Easter through this week that has come to be known as Holy Week I’ve been thinking about the final week that Jesus lived. Death was pressing down upon Jesus. He knew that his time was short. His was a life lived with great deliberation as he very literally poured himself into the group of people that he loved and would trust with his story and his life purpose. What was important to him in his last week?

 The thing that I see most clearly is relationship. Jesus spent an immense amount of time in that last week with people. He loved people, he taught people, he rebuked people, he celebrated with people, he intentionally crafted some very memorable experiences with the people that he loved. In the midst of his intense focus on people, he also very deliberately continued his relationship with his Father. In a profound time with his disciples he bridged those two relational focuses in a very clearly communicated experience with both Father and friends (John 13 through 17).  It was as if during that last week of Jesus life he invited those who loved and knew him to enter into the eternal relationship of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Everything that Jesus did up to this time was building to this last week when he would most clearly present his mission, his relationship with the Father, and his desire for all to be in relationship in and through him.  The import of what he did and said in this last week would become even clearer for his followers in retrospect – after his death and resurrection. Death is a searing brand that causes the last hours and days of a relationship to deeply imprint in the hearts and minds of those who remain alive.

 I don’t know the timing of my last days, but I pray that I can live deliberately, love deeply, and focus on that which is most important in my relationship with God and the people God has placed in my life – to live like Jesus!

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”  Psalms 90:12

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Grief – Our God Knows Grief

Posted on April 18, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”-which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Mark 15:33-34

Last week was tough. I don’t know why, but I know it was tough for me, for Steve, for Jacob, for Amity.  Maybe a sense of reality is setting in.  Becky is gone and she is permanently gone.  Of course we’ve known this since Wednesday, December 29, but this truth seems to be permeating our lives now – it is inescapable.  Those moments that we once enjoyed and looked forward to such as days off, quiet hours in a busy day, just sitting down to read or contemplate – those moments tip us into tears and grief as we miss Becky.  A certain song comes to mind, or we see a picture, or a friend shares a situation in their life where Becky’s story is an encouragement and we miss Becky.

Becky’s death has changed me and those I love. The personal pleasure of processing with and loving Becky is lost to us.  A relationship that is foundational to our lives has been taken away.  An avenue of interpersonal communication, of exploring ideas and emotions about our world and ourselves, has been transported out of our reach. 

The pain of the loss of relationship with Becky made me think of Jesus on the cross.  When Jesus went to the cross he willingly took all of our sin. This was the Father’s plan that Jesus obeyed – a plan to end the death-hold of sin in our lives. The Father and Son experienced perfect relationship throughout eternity except for that time on the cross. When all of our sin was placed on the sinless one the perfect relationship was broken.  Jesus cried out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” And all of creation grieved the death of this relationship – the sky darkened, the earth-quaked, graves were opened, and the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.  Never doubt that God understands and empathizes with our grief; He has experienced it.

Scripture tells us that Christ became sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God.  The Greek word translated righteousness means “the state of him who is as he ought to be, the condition acceptable to God, integrity, virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking feeling, and acting.”  When I think of a life made righteous I think of a life ready for relationship – relationship with God and relationship with people. The excruciating loss of relationship that God the Father and Jesus experienced during His sojourn into death reaped a huge harvest of eternally joyful relationship for us in God.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!

“We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.  God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”  2 Corinthians 5:20-21

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”  Heb 12:2

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Grief – A Message from Becky

Posted on April 15, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

The Lee family is a Facebook family. Our daughter Joni was reviewing some of the status updates that Becky posted over the course of her years as a Facebook user and came across Becky’s comments after hearing of her sister Kristin’s car accident.  One frosty morning in December 2009 Kristin hit ice and rolled her Jeep while on her way to the library just a few miles from her home.  When the Jeep came to rest Kristin and her two little ones were dangling upside down held in place by their seatbelts.  The Jeep was totaled, but neither Kristin nor the kids were injured at all.

Becky responded to this news with the following Facebook status update:

“Becky Coon is praising God that the message was “I rolled the jeep but everyone’s fine” instead of “I’m sorry but your sister rolled the jeep, the kids were with her, and they’re all gone”. Words can’t even express….

It’s so true that had the outcome been the opposite God would still be in control, and would still be GOOD. Even if we struggled to believe that for awhile.”

Seeing this message again today is like seeing a message from heaven.  Our Becky is the one who is ‘gone’ and it is true, those of us who love her are in various stages of the struggle to believe that God is in control and GOOD.  Becky’s testimony is true.  It was true in December 2009, it was true in December 2010, and it is true today.

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good ; his love endures forever.” 1 Chronicles 16:34 

”You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.” Psalms 86:5

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Grief – Letter to Becky

Posted on April 14, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

Hi Becky!

You moved to heaven a day over 15 weeks ago.  It seems like just yesterday and it seems like forever ago.  Do I still miss you?  You bet.  It would be such a pleasure to hear your voice again, your distinctive laugh, to see you with that red hat covering your blonde hair and pulled low on your forehead.  I miss the wonderful biology and pharmacology ‘lectures’ you used to give me over the phone.  You could take subjects that interested us both and draw me along from the simplest concepts to the depths that you had plumbed in your studies.  And the theological discussions – you never were a shallow thinker and approached all subjects of interest with deep passion and intelligence.  Boy do I miss you.  I will never regret talking with you for hours and not talking about me!  You nearly always ended our conversations with ‘we just talked about me all the time again’ – I’m so glad for that!

I’m continually reminded of the impact you made on others.  Just today I got a long message in Facebook from a fellow pharmacy student who is intensely missing you.  As graduation approaches and your fellow students are going through experiences unique to the last months of study, they miss you and your tireless encouragement and cheerleading.  They, like me, also miss your ability to discuss and explain and joke about whatever the current topic.  You are amazing!

In mid-May your Dad and I and Jacob, Amity and Dara will join your class in remembering you and seeing you honored with the hood declaring that you are a Doctor of Pharmacy.  I’m so eager for this and so dreading it at the same time.  I can’t wait to meet your friends and share our love and grief with them.  They have been an incredible support to all of us and we appreciate them beyond words.  But of all of the events that we’ll get through in these first months and years this will be the hardest for me.  How you looked forward to graduation, to being a fully credentialed Pharmacist, to stepping into this work that you so loved.  I’m confident that you would’ve gotten the residency you applied for and would be entering into that position within weeks of graduation.  And, if not, I’m confident that God would’ve put you right where He most needed a person like you to serve Him and exercise the gifts He gave you.  There was so much of life that you and Jacob deferred so that you could do this incredibly hard thing of completing Pharmacy school while being a Mom and wife.  You did it, you excelled at it, and you and Jacob were ready to reap the benefits of a job well done.  I’m mostly over asking ‘why’ because it is the unanswerable question, but graduation brings the ‘why’ right back to the forefront for me.

I’m sure you know, but your girls are doing great.  They love you, they miss you, they would take you back into their lives in a heartbeat if only that could happen.  But, they have found a way to remember and speak of you with a certain amount of pleasure instead of tears and pain.  They are doing well in school and making a way without your presence.  I see you in them and I see the positive impact of a loving Mom even today. There are places I also see the lacking of you in their daily lives – you are missed.  Jacob still misses you with a fullness of missing that is so painful.  When will that change?  I don’t know. I pray for him to come to the place where the knife edge of loss doesn’t cut him daily.  He is a good man and I see your mark on him.

Life has changed for me now.  I am even more eager to love on and share with my family and friends.  Relationships have taken on a new urgency since I realize the brevity of our time together.  I am eager for the move to heaven.  In terms of eternity it won’t be long and I’ll be face-to-face with Jesus and get to talk to you!  Once again you are teaching me and drawing me along from the simplest concepts to the depths that you have plumbed.  I’ll see you in the morning!

Love you!  Mom

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Grief – Stop, Look, Listen and Obey

Posted on March 30, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“Now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death.” Proverbs 8:32-36

Last week I posted about my struggle with wanting to see those I love blessed with a measure of immediate healing of the grief we all feel. I wrestled that week with control issues, with wanting to step in and fix the situation for them. It was as if I was saying to God – “I can do a better job than You, You aren’t moving fast enough.” God is good – I love it (and hate it) when He points out the areas of sin in my life. With His Holy Spirit spotlight shining on this area of personal idolatry, I repented and He has brought me to a place of much greater peace about His work and the pacing of His work.

I have a new reminder that seems to pop-up in my spirit when I’m tempted to step into a situation and try to work my magic. Quite simply the Spirit is telling me to ‘stop, look, listen, and obey.’ When I see a situation that is just begging for some ‘fixing’ from me, I stop, quiet my spirit, and prayerfully look to the Lord. I fix my eyes on Jesus bringing the situation to His attention. From there I listen to the Holy Spirit. Am I being asked to step into the situation by the Holy Spirit? If so, to what degree of involvement am I being called? Am I to phone, to write, to speak to the person, or otherwise to personally intervene in some way? Or am I being told to stay still and watch what the Lord will do? Possibly I’m being told to wait? Or maybe I’m being called to do nothing at all except pray; to keep myself completely outside of the situation except to intercede. When I have a good sense of what I’m being called to, I obey. And on those times when I don’t get a good sense of what is expected of me, I wait.

This process actually feels good. What is the difference? Consider the un-weaned child always fretting and tugging at her mother seeking for that which the mother already delights to freely provide when the time is right. Now imagine the weaned child, cuddled quietly in her mother’s arms, just enjoying being loved, but with a back-of-the-mind trust that nurture will be provided timely. What a sweet experience just to rest in and wait on the Lord.

“My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psalms 131:1-2

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Grief – Jesus is My Teacher

Posted on March 25, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:25-27

Shortly after I graduated from high school I surrendered my life to Jesus. I knew of Him long before that and I understood and believed the basic tenets of the Nicene Creed. The difference that came with the decision to surrender is similar to, but even more than, the difference between knowing about Steve and actually committing to a married life with him. My life is in Jesus – in Him I live and move and have my being.

As I’ve ‘grown up’ in Jesus over the years, He has moved me from a very individualistic faith to a faith that hungers for and delights in community. I was blessed to be taught and encouraged early on by another woman who was farther along in her faith than I was. That time of foundation-laying was important in my life and was the first step toward understanding the power of relationship with other believers. In recent years the Lord has shown me how studying the Bible together with a group of women seems to further elucidate what the Bible says and what God wants to do in my life through the teaching. And God has blessed me beyond measure as I’ve met with the other two leaders of our study groups to pray, prepare and share prior to our group meetings.

This season of grieving has taken me full circle back to the power of individual faith in the Lord. For a season I’ve pulled back from the group opportunities, in large part because I’m so often physically removed from this group through travels. I’ve spent more individual time in the Bible, in meditation, in prayer and less time in group interactions around my studies. I’ve experienced the conviction of the Holy Spirit when my life has slipped into sin. And I’ve known the sweet blessing of forgiveness as I’ve repented of that sin and moved forward in Jesus. I’ve learned so much through this grief experience lived out in the One in whom I live and move and have my being.

I think what has been powerfully affirmed to me through this season is that Jesus is my teacher – my personal trainer, if you will. No matter where I find myself – whether in a time rich with community or in a time of solitude, Jesus through the Holy Spirit sent to me when I surrendered to Him, is directing my course to maturity – to looking and being more like Him. What a treasure it is to be the disciple of such a One!

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

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Grief – Run Toward Jesus

Posted on March 24, 2011 by Gleanings from Claudia

“I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Psalms 16:7-8

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Psalms 16:11

Yesterday I spent some time in Psalms 16 and found comfort there. Several things in this Psalm spoke truth and blessing into my life:

  • Apart from You I have no good thing – all comes from You (v2)
  • I delight in the Saints who are in the land – and in those who are in heaven (v3)
  • I will not honor other gods – especially the god I sometimes make of myself (v4)
  • You have given me life – and all it entails (v5 & 6)
  • You counsel me and teach me even at night (v7)
  • You are at my right hand and I am at Your right hand (v8, v11)
  • I am glad, I rejoice, I feel secure (v8 & 9)
  • You will not leave me in the grave – I look for resurrection (v10)
  • You show me the way and fill me with joy in Your presence (v11)

The thought that most blessed me is found in the two verses at the beginning of this Gleaning. I realized that if ‘he is at my right hand’ and if I have ‘eternal pleasures at your right hand’, we have to be in a very intimate posture – we have to be face-to-face! As I thought about this posture I thought about some of my tendencies as I’ve faced grief. So often I want to isolate myself and try to ‘get over’ this sorrow before I enter into life. Something that my husband Steve shared with me back in February came to mind also. With his permission, I’ll share some of that with you. During this particular time Steve was at the annual Pastor’s Prayer Summit and I was at Jacob and Becky’s place loving on Jake and the kids. The following is from Steve’s Summit journal.

“We meditated on John 21 on Tuesday — where Jesus met the disciples as they fished on Galilee after the resurrection. When they realized it was Jesus on shore, Peter jumped out of the boat and raced toward Jesus. That started a thought process in me about moving toward Jesus. Peter was in a place of shame and guilt — and the tendency in such places is to avoid Jesus or move away from Him. But Peter moved toward Jesus in his shame and Jesus met him there.

The Hebrews writer says that we should “Run the race with perseverance that is set before us … fixing our eyes on Jesus.” (Hebrews 12:2) The only way to run with eyes fixed on Jesus is to run toward Him. I’m in a place of deep grief, and the inclination is to want to be alone — to isolate myself, even from the Lord. But that is the wrong response — I need to move toward Jesus in my grief.

In a place of anger — we are tempted to move away from the one with whom we are angry. But if we are angry with the Lord, we should move toward Him. Like the woman in the movie who is angry with her husband and stands in front of him and beats on his chest. When she has spent her anger, her husband puts his arms around her and her anger melts in his embrace of love. We move toward Jesus with our anger and express it to Him and when our anger is spent, we find Him putting His arms around us and our anger melts in His embrace of love.

In weariness and burden we are to move toward Jesus. “Come to Me all who are weary and burdened.” When we are discouraged and frustrated and hurt — we are to move toward Jesus.

In good times — move toward Jesus. In bad times — move toward Jesus. It’s not natural. It is not what we are inclined to do. But by choice — as an act of faith — we move toward Jesus. And as we move toward Him, He meets us and helps us work through what we are dealing with. “

Oh Lord – thank You that Your face is toward me . . . always! Thank You that You wait for me to turn my face toward You. Your love is amazing!!

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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