“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4
Grief has surfaced again after several weeks underground. Life has been delightedly busy of late. With planning events both personal and for our church I’ve been involved in things I love doing that also give me opportunity to relish relationships. Life doesn’t get much better than this.
But we are in the holiday season. Just last year she was alive (can it be a year already?) and grinding toward her winter break from Pharmacy school. Today we grind toward anniversaries that we have no desire to celebrate – her 33rd birthday, Christmas and the first anniversary of the day she died. That day has been safely tucked away in my subconscious, but now it swims into view again. Such a malicious thing is this memory that I’d rather not retain. So many things I forget every day, but not this . . . not this.
Today I heard of a woman just younger than me who waits for her husband to die in the hospital in our town. Today life support was stopped and it is only a matter of time. Upon hearing of this woman’s situation I’m immediately transported to that night and the agony Jacob bore as he waited in the hospital at Becky’s side. It is nearly unbearable to think of now . . . how, oh how did he ever survive that night? How will he survive it again this year? I prayed for him then even more than I prayed for Becky. And I pray for him now even as I pray for this woman who waits tonight. O God of all comfort I ask You for a miracle of comfort tonight for this woman who waits. She grieves that which has already happened and she grieves in anticipation of that which is to come. Pour Yourself into and over her – give her Your love to help her through this night. Lord, for Jacob and for each of us who miss Becky so much, get us through this dark night of remembering and waiting and dreading the rehearsing of the night Becky died. Once again we walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death – Shepherd us through the dark places as we look to You.
“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” Lam 3:19-24