GLEANINGS from Claudia: “Back to the Future”

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Col 3:15-17

Eight months after Becky’s death life continues to change. I wonder when the new normal will kick in – when a sense of stability and routine will fill my days. I’m at a time in my life when I thought ‘new’ was done. I have to confess that I’d grown to enjoy knowing and comfort and ease and quietly sweet time with the Lord and precious time with Steve. All of a sudden . . . thank You Lord! . . .  much of life is about helping Jacob during his work week.  Two precious lives are entrusted to my care each weekday and for this I am immensely thankful.

In some ways life has shifted backwards to my youth when the needs of home, job, and kids were all consuming. I remember those days and finding quiet was almost impossible. Today I am in some kind of “Back to the Future” world where I once again struggle to find quiet time and rest. There are so many blessings associated with this strange time warp that they are too many to enumerate, but there is also wrestling in this new land.

Would I change this? Yes if changing it meant getting Becky back. And yes if changing it means Jacob meeting the second love of his life.  But otherwise the answer is a shouted, declarative NO! I am tired and I am uncertain and at times I wonder if I’m living out this new life in a godly, nurturing way. I’m lonely for my girls – all three of them.  I want more
of Steve and I want more of Jesus. And I suspect that finding my way in the midst of this chaos – figuring out how to follow Jesus through this altered landscape – is at least a bit of what finding my new normal is all about. “Lord, set my course – help me to adjust, no
not to adjust, but to flourish into this new life. How I long to see the sweet fruit of Your Spirit in me, and reflected into the lives of those that I love so much.  Thank You for this precious and stretching assignment of love!”

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24

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About Gleanings from Claudia

I am a wife, mother, grandmother,sister, and friend newly introduced to grief as I lost my 32 year old daughter in an auto accident in December 2010. I am a follower of Jesus and am journeying through grief while abiding in Christ.
This entry was posted in Grief and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to GLEANINGS from Claudia: “Back to the Future”

  1. Jean says:

    Dear Claudia, I saved your posts over time – not always reading them in a timely manner, so this is the one I read today. You are on my heart and in my prayers at various times in the night and day. God bless you. Jean

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