GLEANINGS from Claudia: Imagine Trust

“’No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him’ — but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 2:9-10

Just six months ago I could not have imagined what life today would be. I thought I could. I had a pretty clear picture of a season of life where our second daughter Becky would be a fully certified Pharmacist. She would be in a residency in Spokane. Her husband Jacob would be hanging in there for one more year of working and then after Becky got a job as a pharmacist he would return to school with a possible goal of teaching in the future.  At this week of the summer we would be fresh back from a week of Grandmapa Camp with all of the kids, their spouses, and our grandkids.

How different that picture looks today. Some of it is similar – I actually imagined it somewhat close to reality.  Grandmapa Camp was wonderful, although with the significant lack of Becky and our two sons-in-law. But some of it is so different as to make me feel like I’ve been transported to a different dimension. Becky is gone – at home with her Lord. Jacob has quit his job in Spokane and is moving to Philomath in about two weeks. He is looking for employment here, his hopes for school postponed.

Is today better or worse than I imagined? It is what it is. I’m trusting God for His good purposes to be worked out even in what we’ve lost. I hurt at the loss, but I confess to a delight in so soon having Jacob, Amity and Dara close by. Are there other delights at hand? I hope so and I pray to that end. So much healing and overcoming still needs to happen – especially for Jacob and the girls. They return to an area where they’ve been with Becky. I suspect memories will overwhelm at first and grief will rise in a fresh tide that hasn’t really yet abated. There are anniversaries and birthdays and holidays and family events to come that we’ve not yet faced.  I’m prepared for some hard times ahead — and for the joy of renewed and deeper relationship — the reality of facing this together.

I choose to trust God at this juncture. I pray for Jacob, Amity and Dara that they will be able to do the same. “Lord – You’ve given a gift out of deep loss. Thank You for the reality of Jacob and the girls moving close. I trust You to provide for their needs in a way that blesses them and glorifies You! Thank You for being the God of every moment of our lives and for ordering our steps!”

“I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.” Jeremiah 10:23

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About Gleanings from Claudia

I am a wife, mother, grandmother,sister, and friend newly introduced to grief as I lost my 32 year old daughter in an auto accident in December 2010. I am a follower of Jesus and am journeying through grief while abiding in Christ.
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2 Responses to GLEANINGS from Claudia: Imagine Trust

  1. Sue says:

    I’ve recently signed up for your daily posts.
    Deep calls unto deep and I hear your heart, I am moved by what you share. You said yesterday “He is the God of every moment.” I was stopped in my tracks and questioned that before the Lord. My heart wants to believe that but the truth is, I really don’t. I will ponder that before Him this morning and seek His face and His word. I know I need to hear from His heart for answers.
    Thank you for sharing through your painful season. Sharing your heart through your vulnerability makes a difference.
    Sue

    • Thank you for sharing and for the encouragement your comments bring me. In the quiet of this morning I readily know that He is the God of every moment. In the moments of pain or loss or depression it can be harder to grasp this truth. I believe that proving to us that God is in time – even our hardest time – is part of why Jesus came. We get to see Him live within time firmly connected to and experiencing relationship with the Father at every moment. With one exception. On the cross when Jesus and the Father conspired to be out of relationship so that Jesus could bear the sin of all mankind for all time. Connection was lost – moments of time existed when God wasn’t there for His Son — all so that I would never have to experience that extreme loneliness. Because of the ‘gift’ of freedom of choice I can choose to be disconnected from God – I can enter into sin – but God will never disconnect from me. His face and His grace are always turned toward me! Wow! Bless you Sue!

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