Grief – “At Last I See the Light”

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

Earlier this week we returned from celebrating Becky’s graduation at Creighton University in Omaha, Nebraska.  Our time on campus getting to know Becky’s classmates and teachers was a great blessing and a renewed sorrow.  At each event we longed to see Becky walking down the aisle and claiming the honors for which she had worked so hard.  What we did see is something that most of us don’t get to see – the impact of one well lived life on those within its sphere of influence.

Since returning home I’ve been struggling to return to a more even keel of grief.  I miss Becky so.  Yesterday I did laundry and ironed to catch-up from our trip and watched the Disney movie “Tangled” as I stood at the ironing board (thanks for the Mother’s Day gift, Joni).  This movie is a delight, but I found myself sobbing as I watched it.  In one scene Rapunzel is finally out of her tower, in the real world and watching lanterns rise in the sky.  Her life dream has been to see the lanterns for real and not through a tiny window in her ceiling. Her joy in the real experience is expressed in the song “At Last I See the Light”.  The song is both an expression of joy and a love song.  As I listened I heard it as the song of praise that comes from the lips of a soul newly entered into the presence of our Lord and King – I heard it as Becky’s song.

All those days watching in the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I’ve been
Now I’m here blinking in the starlight
Now I’m here suddenly I see
Standing here it’s all so clear
I’m where I’m meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it’s like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it’s like the sky is new
And it’s warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in the blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things, the way they were
Now she’s here shining in the starlight
Now she’s here suddenly I know
If she’s here it’s crystal clear
I’m where I’m meant to go

And at last I see the light
And it’s like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it’s like the sky is new
And it’s warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

Becky has entered a reality far greater than this one.  We live out our lives in the solid day-to-day activities and relationships that define our reality and yet this ‘real world’ is a pointer to a world that is so much ‘more’ real.  I miss Becky, but I see my longing to see Becky as the pointer to a longing for the advent of the ‘real’ world – a world where I see the Lord face-to-face and serve and love Him with a clarity that I can only imagine today.

“Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.” Colossians 2:16-18

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About Gleanings from Claudia

I am a wife, mother, grandmother,sister, and friend newly introduced to grief as I lost my 32 year old daughter in an auto accident in December 2010. I am a follower of Jesus and am journeying through grief while abiding in Christ.
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