Over the course of my life I’ve been blessed with extraordinary health and vitality. I’ve not taken this for granted and praise God for it while offering my energy and strength back to Him for His purposes.
Somehow things have changed. Nearly continually since the day after Becky died, a total of seven weeks now, I’ve been ill with one bug or another. It is as if my body has put on sackcloth and ashes and is mourning at her loss. This physical weakness results in heightened emotional sensitivity compounding my susceptibility to grief and tears.
I wonder at this display of body grief. Is it God’s way to assure that I will grieve? If I had continued to experience physical stamina and strength would I have been as likely to embrace the tears? Or would I have continued in my daily activities and productivities to the detriment of time to think and process, question and consider?
I wrote this earlier this week praising God for the time I had to go back to bed and sleep during the midday. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done something like this, but the rest was a gift to my virus-ravaged body. For my friends who are concerned for me — yes, I’m taking ‘Emergen-C’ and doing the things you’ve recommended to care for myself. I just think for this season my body is mourning along with my spirit, heart and soul. I will give this to God just like I’ve given Him my vitality and trust that in this season of physical weakness He is at work in me for His good purposes.
“Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.” Psalm 31:9-10
“Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth. I hate those who cling to worthless idols; I trust in the LORD. I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place.” Psalm 31:5-8