In the beginning of this grief journey I vacillated between seeing God as the enemy, the one who took Becky away; and seeing God as the answer, the one who holds her now and brings me comfort.

This is probably one of the oldest struggles common to man. Who is this God? What is this God? Is He some power-hungry tyrant choosing to do what He wants with us to fulfill His own megalomania? Is He like the alien child in Stephen King’s “The Dome” enjoying the spectacle of our response to his ‘playing’ with us? Or does He deeply care about us and connect with us emotionally as we struggle through the grievous events of our lives.

There is a lot about God and how He acts in our lives that I don’t understand. But as I’ve gone through this grief journey I’ve found a new appreciation for the simple good news of the gospel. The fact that God put on flesh and came to live and die for us; the truth that Jesus lived out a life that included pain, sorrow, and a hideous death at the hands of megalomaniacs — mere human megalomaniacs at that — tells me immense truth about our God. He didn’t have to do what He did for us. He didn’t have to veil His power and let us torture and abuse Him. He didn’t have to die. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, the great Three-In-One, out of the deepest love imaginable, collaborated in the craziest, most unrewarding rescue scheme ever. God chose death to give us life and love.

I’ve found immense comfort as the walls I built up against ‘God as the enemy’ have come down and I’ve felt free to receive love from the ‘God who knows death.’

“Living He loved me; Dying He saved me; Buried He carried my sins far away. Rising He justified; Freely forever; One day He’s coming; Oh glorious day! Oh glorious day!” From’ Glorious Day’ by Casting Crowns     Glorious Day by Casting Crowns

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8